The place I call Home

It's done and is ready to come out in the open. It has a new address, a new ring to its name, and still is the good old me. Personalising has become a whole new experience with it. I’ve been spending a considerable amount of time on trying to give it a spanking new look, and I must say, it is quite alluring. Why then haven’t I yet shared it with all of you? I don’t know!

The identity in question is a new blog that I’ve been meaning to put up at Wordpress (actually I have already put it up). I’d signed up a few months ago, while the whole ‘importing’ my older posts from Blogger happened few days back.

I was mighty glad to be able to upload the pictures of my choice and had a beautiful collage prepared for the same. The choice of themes had changed; the appearance was fresh and different.I could do away with some of the many widgets on my blog which I’ve hardly ever used. In short, it was like buying a new house and renovating it for comfort, with your signature touch. I always liked the various new features that Wordpress offered and was curious to try them out.

Having said all this, I haven’t yet made my blog public. Wonder whether it is the confidence and comfort that comes with familiarity or the affection one has with a maiden project, I’m just not able to give this blog up. I’ve not been regular enough with this one itself, maintaining two would be ridiculous. For me writing is fun when it's done by choice, and boring when it is just for the sake of it.


Also comes the question of losing out on my readers who'll need to change my url everywhere. And what happens next? If I get bored with Wordpress in some time will I need to create a new blog again? What is wrong with this one then? This too has been autographed (!) by me (Check out my digital signature)! :D

I’m not able to find a solution for my quandary. Shall I give this one up and start the new one or shall I let the new one remain under wraps like it is now? Many of you have gone through this dilemma. Any suggestions?

Is my way the right way?

All of us must've heard the line, 'parents try to relive their childhood through their children' many times. It is not unnatural for parents to be all dreamy-eyed about what future holds for their little ones and expect them to carry forward their name and legacy. Parents have a tendency to assume that the virtues and vices with which they're born and lived with will undoubtedly run down to the next generation. Is it true and does that happen every time? I guess not.


There are lots of things that we, as parents, fail to notice while bringing up our kids whilst unknowingly comparing our ways to the ways of our parents. 'I never had so many toys', 'My father never spent so much time with me', 'My mother was always there for me','I didn't have a cupboard full of clothes' and things like this are pasted all over our minds, and mistakenly we expect our kids to be thankful for the kind of lifestyle we're giving them.For them, this is the way life is, isn't it?


A Jr is just about 3.4 yr old now and I'm amused when people come and ask what plans I have for his future. You're going to make him an engineer like both of you or you're going to put him in Commerce? The world's so full of competition, you think you're choosing the right school for him? Make sure you encourage him to pay attention to extra-curricular activities...and so on. I stare incredulously at them, not knowing the answers to most of these questions.Such a little baby and subjecting him to competition,especially when it is not necessary? Why not let him choose to do what he wants, like I was allowed to? Encouragement is one thing, compulsion is another.


I was always a good student but never the one who stood first in class or brought home medals or certificates. My parents never complained or compared us with the better performing ones around, only motivating us to outperform ourselves. They gave us what we wanted but only after we did something worthy of achieving it.Is it not better to give our kids the same treatment, not bribing but complacently awarding?


I think I've digressed a lot here, but I guess I've made my point too.Wanting our kids to be clones of us is unfair. We might be the best amongst the lot of our time, but its not necessary that our child will be too. If we do something for our kid,it should be out of love,not duty or authority. Let him choose what he wants to. We can only lead the way, walking or not should be in his hands.

Books et al

Nowadays I feel blessed to be able to find time to read more than ever before. There had been a huge backlog of books-to-read and I’m glad I’ve atleast begun my journey towards bridging the gap between wanted-to-read, reading and to-read ones. There's just one small glitch, so many books and so less time! :)


I don’t know how people go about choosing a book but for me it’s a very tedious and baffling process. I somehow never go by reviews and pick up any book by pure instinct. No wonder then that many times my hunch is not completely correct and I end up wasting my precious time on books like The 3 Mistakes of my Life by Chetan Bhagat, Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho or Unruly Times by Prashant Bhavalkar.


I’m not a very literature obsessed person but I like to read sensible stuff. I prefer reading what I can follow without having to rack my brain for perceived meanings. I despise it when people think they sound intelligent when they add difficult looking and spelling words and twist the language unnecessarily. There’s a chance of the entire meaning of the sentence getting confused and the sequence getting lost, what good is it for the reader then?


Worse still is the current crop of ‘casual’ writers coming in. Any tom dick or harry who must’ve at some point of his life entertained the thought of writing a book finds himself getting backed by publishers who’ve started waking up to the fact that as long as they write anything relating to love it will sell. Quality no bar! Hence any IIT or IIM pass-out is seen coming out with some or the other love story of his/her own. The same campus ranting, lashing out at and by professors, clandestine romances, incomplete dreams etc is seen in most of them.


If some book does have a corporate backdrop then it sure talks about either super-achievers or super-losers, while in reality most people conveniently fall within these two categories. An extra-marital affair is suitably embedded in the story, anyhow. Simple sensibilities like honesty, respect, gratitude and empathy are blatantly frowned upon on shown in a dark light, almost as if they’re a crime. As long as it sells, nothing matters. Is this only what writing is about?


I do not wish to imply that all Indian authors are disappointing. We do have Sudha Murthy, V.S.Naipaul, Chitra Divakaruni Bannerjee, Mohyna Srinivasan etc who have a class of their own. Their books always succeed in teaching us a thing or two, if nothing else a few new words in English perhaps! :)


Sometimes I do rely on suggestions by people with a good taste and an even better judgement, like Nu, Titaxy and Swaram, and honestly I’ve never been disappointed. :)

The 'Tag' Bug

 

Not too long after I’d started blogging Reflections tagged me for the first time. I recollect being confused and lost as to what I’d to do with it and going through the blogs of all those who’d done it. It was a long one, but I felt compelled to complete it as fast as possible, like an assignment that had a deadline attached to it. It was unnerving, almost like a pressure, to do it the right way lest I disappoint the one who tagged me!

Since then I’ve done many tags and can comfortably say that I’m unfazed by them now. I like to see them as a challenge; making one think eccentrically in a direction we don’t usually direct our minds to (remember my Hi-five tag), making us look at the fine picture of our lives closely (Strikethrough tag), looking at ourselves in a different perspective than we have till date (My Sins against Gender Stereotypes tag) or simply sharing certain facts about us with everybody (Seven random things tag)!

With all due respect to the person who came up with this idea at the first place, there are some people who like tags while some think of them as work. I’d like to know what is it that you think tags are really meant for. Here’s what I think:

1.First and foremost, giving a personal touch to this electronic medium of writing. Giving fellow bloggers an insight into the person behind that blog page.
2.Increasing your blog’s popularity by joining the bandwagon. 'Everybody does it, so do I' thinking.
3.Trying to increase traffic to your blog with the tag-so-many-people-in-the-end clause.
4.Facing blogger’s block? Tags provide good filler posts.
5.Venting out your creative energy by dancing on someone else’s tunes. It seems mysterious and exciting. Take it as an extempore.

Whatever the reason, they're fun and I accept that I look forward to people coming up with splendid and unique ideas for them. Bloggers out here have such a fertile imagination that some tags require a lot of hair-pulling and head-scratching to complete them! Some tickle your funny bone while some make you retrospect on certain untouched aspects of your lives.

There are bloggers who take up tags rightaway while some sit on them till they eventually have to drag themselves out of their laziness owing to peer pressure :). I'm sure everyone must have a different take on this whole 'tag' thing.What is it that drives you? Would love to know your thoughts on tags too. Share them with me.

The First language

A short post, which is more of a question for all of you. I’ve read many articles on the growing influence and English-nisation of education around the world, so much so that many native languages are on the verge of extinction. More often than not I see parents, especially in metros, conversing with their kids in English. Whatever happened to our so-called mother tongues? Do we have fond memories of our grandmothers and mothers singing lullabys to us or telling us stories in our native language or English? If at home we do not take the initiative to make our child follow and understand our roots and language, where else would (s)he learn it? English is the first language in every English medium school; hence the child can be relied upon to grasp it with little difficulty. 

Doesn’t it become our collective responsibility then to safeguard our language and our culture, or is it too down-class to use your mother tongue at all?

How 'fair' is this?

 

I don’t want to write a full length post on this one, since we’ve already done that many times. Sadly, the situation as well as the people responsible for it refuse to change, so yet again we have to witness such ‘sorry’ mass mentality.

My sister-in-law gave us a cutie pie bundle of joy this week, my nephew. All of us were indeed mighty excited about this and decided to go meet the new mom and the kiddo over this weekend. Along with us many of her other relatives had also joined in to celebrate the occasion. Amongst them was a sweet but very naughty girl, around 7-8 years old.

The girl slept well beyond 10 o’clock and took milk only after her mother warned her with dire consequences (whatever they were). I was enjoying this whole exercise, even getting bit nostalgic remembering this scene at our home when I was that age. Suddenly, an elderly lady in the family came out and asked her to go take a shower.  As expected, she refused. The lady got very furious and said: 

नहाएगी नहीं तो काली हो जायेगी...फिर तुझसे शादी कौन करेगा...बैठी रहना घर पे!

I was zapped and didn't know how to react. Worse still, the girl's reaction to this was even more baffling. She seemed hurt, but nonetheless went ahead and took a shower. 

I didn't know what to say and to whom, so I just kept quiet. Good thing we're teaching our daughters. The only intention of our lives is to look 'fair' so we can get married easily, that's all.

Just wanted to get this out of my system.

Essence of a Woman :)

From the time human being came into existence woman has played the pivotal role in any relationship. It was only after Eve came to life that Adam got his first relations within the human species; that of a companion, a struggler and a better half. Since then whether it’s her life or the one’s depending on her, woman has been the one to make ‘relationships happen’.
 

Whatever role she’s found herself in, woman has never shied away from taking that extra step to ascertain that she meets, or sometimes, even surpasses expectations. Let me present few instances to illustrate my point.

1.A qualified and independent woman who’s never negotiated with anything in her life doesn’t think twice before giving up her flourishing career in favour of her child’s better look-after. This shows her sacrifice.

2.A highly pampered and loved daughter suddenly finds herself in an unknown territory when after marriage her mother-in-law constantly nags about how she can’t cook properly or keeps ridiculing her endlessly. Not the one taught to whine and complain, she bears everything quietly. This shows her resilience.
 
3.Her life partner didn’t turn out to be the one she’d expected and wanted. She regrets her choice and wishes if only she could go back and undo what she’d done. She’d like to break away but cannot bring herself to do it because she can’t put her kids through the ordeal that’ll follow. This shows her compromise.

4.Her kid sister wants to take up a career option that her parents would never accept. She’s convinced that it’s the best for her and wants elder sis to step in and persuade her parents. After making sure that younger sis knows what she’s doing, she decides to back her. This shows her understanding.

It would be incorrect if I try to portray that a woman has only positive traits, since we all know this cannot be true. Let’s see few negative ones too.

1.Two best friends; one blessed with the most enviable looks while the second couldn’t be more unattractive.  Though the latter would never speak openly about it, the adulation and attention the former enjoys makes her dislike her occasionally. This shows her jealousy.

2.A woman at a senior position at work makes the life of her juniors a living hell because she wants to nip any competition in the bud. This shows her insecurity.
 
3.Wedding plans are always 'in the making' in the minds of all mothers, whether she has a daughter or a son. But the moment her son gets married and shows a little more thoughtfulness for his wife, sparks are bound to fly. This shows her possessiveness.

A person’s nature and character play a vital role in shaping his life and relationships. The way a woman can perceive and nurture relationships, a man never can.  That is why a mother is called as an ‘avatar’ of God and a wife is called the better-half. In spite of her negative traits, only a woman can create a ‘complete’ family.

History has proved that whenever kingdoms have been formed or destroyed, there has always been a woman behind it. Power and manipulation are two crucial qualities that a woman possesses, whether she realises it or not. Power to change the world and manipulation to make the world a better place. It is only for her to know how these can be optimally and ethically used.

There’s a famous saying in Sanskrit :

“Triya charitram purushasya bhagyam daivo na janati kuto manushyah”

The translation simply being that when even God himself cannot understand the character of a woman, what a mere human can do, it is his destiny.

Being a woman myself I always found this very disrespectful and prejudiced. But when seen and understood beyond its obvious implication one will realize that it does hold true, for every woman in this world. Yes, no one can understand a woman, that’s because a woman believes in keeping her things to herself; sometimes out of fear, sometimes out of respect or sometimes simply because she’s too modest or proud to accept her success or failure.

So let us take this opportunity of "Women's Day" and celebrate being a woman. Let us forget all our vices and petty differences and come together and enjoy this day with a free spirit and realise what a woman means and stands for! :)

Ring that wedding bell!

 
Few days ago I received a call from A’s cousin, T, who was complaining about some girl his parents have seen for him and how he wants the matter to be put on hold. Following this I had a long discussion with his mother aka my aunt-in-law, but determined as she was, she paid no heed to my defences, all my convincing powers failed and the ‘ladka dikhane ka program’ went ahead as planned.

The girl’s family visited their place and as I hear, looked visibly impressed. After all, who wouldn’t like his daughter to be married to a guy who has a good job, good social standing and a good family background?! They invited our family over to their place to proceed, now with ‘ladki dikhana’.

So now we’re here. Our family’s waiting for an auspicious occasion to go see her. From what I saw in her bio-data, the girl’s good-looking, well-educated and belongs to a good family. ‘Reports’ about the girl have also been favourable. My aunt-in-law has decided that she’ll complete all the minor formalities to ‘book’ the girl before any wrong-doer turns up and messes the whole thing.( You've got to be kidding!!)

T is shaking in his shoes since he feels its all happening a bit too soon. He called me up again to share his nervousness and his inability to compel his parents to take it slow. Here’s how our conversation went:

T : Bhabhi, Mom and Dad have already decided on what all they’ll give the girl once everything falls in place!
Me: Why don’t you tell them you want more time to think?
T: I tried, but you know them na..they are saying there’s a right time for everything and there’s no point in waiting now.
Me: Do you not like the girl? Tell them so..
T: No no..there’s nothing wrong with the girl. I’ve heard only good things about her from everywhere.
Me: Then what’s the problem?
T: If I get married I’ll loose my freedom. I won’t be able to come home and leave at my own will.
Me: This will happen even if you marry after 5 yrs. You have certain responsibilities after marriage. What’s wrong in that?
T:  May be you’re right. But what about my freedom?

And the same thing continued for another hour.....grrrrr……Gimme a break!
Now, if you ask me I’m kind of confused as to what T exactly wants. If he wants to marry, why not just accept it and marry! Or may be he enjoys us trying to persuade him to do it. May be he enjoys the attention.  Honestly, it gets a boring after I’ve repeated the same things to him over and over again.

But as they say, marriage comes with a baggage, so आलिया भोगासी असावे सादर !!

The Good and Bad World

My Name Is Khan had put forward a thought about the world consisting of only two types of people: good and bad. Conceptually, and broadly speaking, it might be true, but we’ll all unanimously agree that there are elements of good and bad in all of us. When we are judging a person we do not know anything about, it takes only but one good or bad episode for us to be or not to be impressed by him.

I’m going to write about something on the same lines. It’s not something that’s never happened with anyone, but I’m going to talk about it in the relevance of the essentially good and bad people we come across in our everyday lives, when an assumingly ‘sober’ person displays his dark side and a visibly ‘mawali’ person turns out as the good one.

While travelling long distances in Mumbai me and A prefer to take the ‘conventional’ mode of transport, the local train. The travelling time is reduced to half since traffic is not a problem and baby A too does not seem to mind the ride. In fact he enjoys all the activity around, he even smiles at the hawkers and eunuchs sometimes, much to my annoyance. Anyway, coming back to our topic..

Since we were travelling together and it was a Saturday, A suggested that I enter into the general compartment with him, and I obliged. As luck would have it, the train only got more and more crowded with every passing station. A squeezed his way through the crowd, but petrified with the thought of me brushing against those men stinking of God-knows-what-all; I cornered myself near the door.

An elderly man was standing next to me and was supposedly carrying something in his hands. Gingerly he moved step by step near me and his hand touched me suggestively. I ignored it a couple of times assuming it to be a genuine mistake. However, not the one to give up on it, he was persistent. I decided to take him to task and reprimanded him while all the other stunned men stared at us incredulously. He got the message alright! All this while A didn’t have the slightest idea of what happened.

While coming back home the same situation stared at me in the face and A promised that this time round he wouldn’t leave my side even for a second. What followed, ironically, was something I hadn’t expected. A guy who looked like a typical ‘tapori’ saw me struggling for some space to stand, and very courteously indeed, left his place and offered it to me. The smile on my face that time was honest and genuinely thankful.

Eve-teasing is a crime that probably every girl has to bear with, but few have the courage to stand up to it or raise their voice against it. We choose to keep quiet in fear of embarrassment in front of others or scared of what else might follow. This in turn only encourages these perverts to take us for granted and continue their sleazy acts. I’ve always chosen not to take it lying down and would persuade every girl to think and act similarly.

These two episodes forced me to think about how deceptive appearances can be. We classify a person as good or bad based on what we’ve seen or heard about him, but it does not comprise his whole personality. Therefore, I beg to differ from Karan Johar and Shahrukh Khan on this idea. Only good and only bad people can exist only in a perfect world, and ours is what imperfection stands for.

Ye Atithi Kab Jayenge?

I’ve found myself in a real fix right now and I hope that by the time you finish reading this you can suggest some resolution for my predicament.

We’ve all heard about ‘nesting’, and about how would-be mothers of all species strive to create a cosy and comfy environment for their little ones and make sure they’re very well looked after. It sounds very sweet and emotional, but this same thing has become a hindrance for me.

One thing that I got as a house-warming present (unwarned as it was) for our new home was a bunch of pigeons who consider our balcony their permanent residence. We have three balconies and all of them have at least two or more of these creatures hanging around them at all times.

I tried not to obsess or panic and just let them be, but accepting the muck these pigeons spread is a bit too much, especially with a kid in the house. Added to that the constant clamor and that fluttering of feathers is impossible to bear. I’m kind of petrified that some day they might break some window glass with their constant banging against them. Honestly it is sometimes frightening, for my son as well as for me.

As if all this wasn’t enough these pigeons have started laying legs eggs (oops!!) in our balcony and the clutter has increased even more. They’re also destroying my plants, crapping on them and devastating my rose buds. I try to scare them away but they come back in no time since their young ones are still in there.

As a kid I remember being impressed with and marvel at how meticulously and strenously these birds build their nests on tree branches. The guilt of us humans cutting down trees to make way for creating homes for us and robbing all these birds of their own homes took over me and I took it all with a bold demeanor till now. I’m a mother myself and I can understand this motherly concern, even if it is regarding them.

Something however needs to be done about this before these visitors become our permanent non-paying guests and we become unofficial caretakers of their current as well as future generations.

I’m clueless. Can you help me arrive at a proper conclusion?

Whose Accent is it anyway?

I was loitering around a shop yesterday looking for something I could pick up, nothing specific in mind. Just then two girls, may be around 20, came and stood behind me. Both of them kept talking non-stop, without the slightest care that there was someone standing within audible range. I tried not to listen, but failed. All other things aside, what did strike as amusing to me was the accent they were talking in.  
 

It was the unmistakable ‘made-up’ accent we find common amongst most teenagers and call-centre people these days. Strained, deliberate and trying-too-hard-to-sound-right type. The use of correct words and grammar didn’t really seem to bother them a lot, but their ‘accent’ never slipped. Someone sure did a clean job! Kudos!
 

With the increasing influence of the west on our youth and our culture(and call centres mushrooming in every nook and corner of metros) a new breed of people is coming up slowly and steadily, the ones that are confused and pathetically caught between the two. These are the ones who would go to any lengths to be a part of the ‘hep-n-happening’ crowd. So to begin with, this ‘fake’ accent is a reliable style-mantra. It’s hilarious seeing these people rattle something that’s not easy for them to understand.
 

This whole ‘accented’ speaking is not new to us Indians though. If we travel the length and breadth of India we’ll find a new culture and a new language every few hours. Every state has a different language, a different tone, a different dialect that identifies every person belonging to that region.  That’s why we’d never confuse a Bengali with a South-Indian or a Gujrati with a North-Indian. It is what we can call the ‘gift of the land’.
 

Let’s ask ourselves this: is it necessary to have an accent? Well, I don’t think so. I feel an accent is not learnt, it is acquired. The language that we’ve been speaking since childhood sure has a strong imprint on us, and it does come out even when we’re talking in some other language.
 

As far as British and American accents are concerned, the way English is used and taught in these countries is very different from us. The rolling of tongue, the pronunciation, the stressing on words is different. Hence to acquire it is quite an exercise for us.
 

Personally, I’m proud of the fact that I don’t have an accent. If I want, I can learn any language and use it like I’m born with it. Nothing can give me away. This I feel is better than the ‘fake’ accents people pick up and revel on. Are they so fixated not to understand that people can see through them?
 

It is not just about the way of speaking; our roots, our education, our individuality make us the person we are.  All these put together certainly can give us the confidence and poise that nothing else can. Hence accent or no accent, what really matters is our belief in us. We shouldn’t feel the need to portray ourselves as someone we’re not or even try to hide what we are.
 

Finally, whether accents are good/essential/stylish or not is a debatable issue, and I’d leave it to others to decide. To each his own!

Phir Mile Sur...Really?

A lot has already been said about how good or how bad the old version of ‘Mile sur’ is. My post comes a bit late, but nevertheless..

Every one of us was a bit apprehensive, but curious none the less to see how this classic ode to patriotism would come of age. Now that it’s out for all of us to see, it seems like it was too much of noise over nothing.
 

I remember the mass effect the older version had created. People left whatever work they had at hand whenever the song was shown and flocked their television sets to see it over and over again. It was sort of a tribute to and a celebration of and for our country and our people.
 

As a child whenever I saw it, I was left with a feeling of oneness with our fellow countrymen and a lump in my throat, feeling very proud for the great personalities our country had produced in various fields. Although there were languages in there that I didn’t know, I’d memorized those lines so I could sing along whenever the song was shown!
 

The new version however doesn’t seem even close to it. Everyone who’s seen it must’ve his own judgement about it, but as far as I’m concerned the negative points are far more than the positive ones. I’ll take them one at a time:
 

1.    To be fair, it does have a fresh and youthful look. Lots of new locations have been explored.
2.    I liked the great maestros Pandit Shiv Kumar Sharma and Ustad Amjad Ali Khan featuring with their respective sons. Good blend of the old and the new.
3.    Some social causes have also been inculcated. Like; education of the girl child and physically challenged kids, caring for senior citizens etc.
4.    Wonder what Shahid Kapur, Shilpa Shetty, Ranbir Kapoor or even Deepika Padukone did to justify their presence.
5.    Abhishek Bachchan continues to live in the reflected glory of his wife and father, or else he wouldn’t show up here.
6.    Sachin Tendulkar? Anil Kumble? Rahul Dravid? Vishwanathan Anand?
7.    The magic of Pandit Bhimsen Joshi’s and Lata Mangeshkar’s voice is seriously missing.
8.    The song has many highs and lows throughout, I find that rather disturbing.
 

To summarize, the new version is just a song, not the message that the earlier one was. At a time when the common man is reeling under the pressure of growing inflation and food prices, it could’ve had a strong impact, had it not been just a high-budget publicity campaign for film stars and celebrities. There was an inspiration and honesty in the older version that lacks in this one.
 

Mere singing the same lines doesn’t help in sending the message across. It is not always what is being said, but also, who’s saying it that lends credence to a thought.

More than a woman

From time immemorial woman has been perceived as the epitome of love, dedication, sincerity and resilience. Whatever role she’s in, she’s a role-model for everyone. In our culture we’ve believed in setting her on a pedestal and offering her prayers for our well-being, safety and happiness.

Having said this, in today’s world we’re committing crimes, acting inexcusably and what more, we’re not even ashamed of it. One such heinous crime that’s only been increasing in recent years is: female foeticide.

Let’s see some facts first. Sex-selective abortion has been seen as worsening the sex ratio in India, and thus affecting gender issues related to sex compositions of Indian households. According to the 2001 census, the sex-ratio in India is 107.8 males per 100 females, up from 105.8 males per 100 females in 1991. The ratio is significantly higher in certain states such as Punjab (126.1) and Haryana (122.0).

Our society is full of hypocrites. Everyone wants a bride for their (assumingly) eligible son but having a daughter themselves would make them bawl in disappointment. In our country where we consider females as goddesses we see intolerable importance and priority given to the male child. The girl child is considered as a liability, a burden that’s to be borne till the time she gets married, and even after that.

What’s saddening is that, more often than not, women themselves are party to such inhuman acts. It’s true that nowadays sex-determination tests have been strictly restricted, but the fact that female foeticide is still on the rise proves that there’s certainly some loophole somewhere in the system.

Nowadays, there are various methods that can be used to pre-determine the sex of the child. Only doctors are privy to such information and knowledge, but even they fall prey to their greed for money and become an accomplice in eradicating the issue completely.

There’s no field today where women have not left a mark. Whether she’s a working woman or a housewife, she’s proved time and again that she can handle and balance everything with equal alacrity. Doesn’t it then become the collective responsibility of families as well as doctors to act with dignity and accept the truth for what it is?

I’m a woman and am proud to be one. I’m proud of the fact that I’ve been given a boon by nature, that to give birth to a new life. And I'd like to believe every woman feels this way.

Its time we put a stop to all these practices. Or else it won’t be long before we’ll see this world full of "surplus males" who will have no females for them.

A Matter of Publicity

One bug that seems to have bitten every person who is or is a wannabe celebrity is PUBLICITY. It is interesting to see the levels to which people will stoop just to get their picture published in a newspaper, or getting aired on television even if it is just for a moment.

Whenever I read ‘Bombay Times’, inadvertently my gaze settles on the Page 3 section which is filled with excerpts of some high-profile party, some brunch or some social-do. It is complete with the list of attendants; the A-listers and Page 3 regulars. The reporter religiously reports on what the menu was, who wore what and who made a fashion faux-pas. What I find very endearing is when these people organize a fund-raising show for underprivileged kids or some social cause, and they come for the event dressed as if it was a fashion parade. They wouldn’t have an inkling of why they’re there but they’d ‘support the cause’ for what it is worth! So much for publicity!

Our film stars have always fancied this. Whether it’s the release of a movie, judging or participating in a reality show, and if nothing else, featuring in commercials, we see them splashed all over, in all forms of media. These people never fail to grab an opportunity to make an appearance, even if it is someone’s wedding, birthday or even a funeral(remember Teji Bacchan’s funeral or the latest, Shilpa Shetty’s wedding?). They turn up for the event dressed in their designer’s best, gladly posing for the cameras and giving some pertinent responses. They have very public affairs and break-ups, both of which ensure ample print-space for them.

The lesser mortals, for whom the doors won’t open on their own, adopt tried-and-tested methods. Attaching your name to a famous personality accusing him/her of using you or making bold statements, which are sure to make eye-balls roll. No one knew Monica Lewinsky before her affair with Bill Clinton came out or the recent Tiger Woods’ series of affairs with many girls which don’t seem to stop! These men had to face the wrath of the whole world, but the girls became celebrities overnight. The truth behind these incidents is irrelevant, what matters is that these girls got the better deal, everyway.

Closer home, the best example for this would be Rakhi Sawant. The kind of stories about her that we see and read is both desperate and cheap. We see her appearing on reality shows; trapped in a house with few others, picking up her groom in her ‘swayamwar’ or trying to raise kids with her current partner. We see her histrionics after she breaks up with whoever she was with, if she’s signed for a movie or there’s something brewing between her family members. What’s worse is that people do fall prey to these gimmicks and all this hype usually pays off.

This signifies the sorry state of journalism and media responsibility, worldwide. In their quest to increase their viewership and readership media populace would do anything. Added to that the desperate brigade of wannabe celebrities, and we have a coalition publicity campaign.

What needs to be understood is that too much public scrutiny can mar a person’s or couple’s image. Jennifer Aniston had said that her marriage with Brad Pitt broke because of the constant media glare. Princess Diana lost her life while trying to hide away from the paparazzi. We know that as public figures these people owe us some amount of accountability, but it is for them to decide where to draw the line. And for us, well, it’s good to get entertained but not cool when it is in bad taste.

Wanna know your Rashee?

There was a time when I was hooked to the Linda Goodman’s book of sun-signs, and every time I developed a liking for someone I’d use it as ready reference to check our compatibility! I’m a Virgo, and it gave me a high when I read something good about myself…practical, perfect, caring, compassionate and all. Wow!

I had memorized what sun-signs I’d get along with and very foolishly and blatantly I sometimes asked people their birthdates before being friends with them. I made it a point to read my horoscope first thing in the morning, and would actually shift my plans, if I could, if the day didn’t have my best interests in store for me.

Over the years my obsessive nature has drastically changed, thankfully. I’ve witnessed over and over again that this whole ‘astrology’ business is good for fun, but when taken too seriously, it can take the better of your judgement. Judging someone on the grounds of his sun-sign is not just incorrect, it’s unfair to that person. There are other things like the birth-time, family, genes or the surroundings that have a bearing on the kind of person someone is. In that case, why bother?

With due respect to the science, I’d say it’s rather far-fetched and artificial. I’ve seen people go to extreme limits to refurbish their dangling careers or save their dying family members by falling prey to the gimmicks played by so-called learned men and astrologers. It is childish on our part to put our faith in this make-believe story, and I’ve come to detest it from the core.

What would’ve happened had we paid any heed to the advice of that astrologer who’d suggested a different career option for us? Would it do us any better to add or remove a letter from our name, or change it altogether? One need not ask these questions and muse about what our future holds for us. It is more about what you can do yourself, than what your stars up there can do for you.

I’d read that Virgos and Arians are not the best match. It’s amusing since my husband’s an Arian, and we’re doing just fine! Evidently, it’s indicative, but not conclusive. It can show you the way, walking on it or not should be your call.

What’s your take on this??

Oh..Try it..It is so good for you..

If you turn on your television in wee hours of the morning you’ll see a similar program running on many channels: TELE-SHOPPING NETWORK. Here you’ll see many angrez log ( in ridiculously dubbed hindi) and few of our usual telly actors trying to sell us a wide range of products: face creams and hair lotions to slimming and fitness equipment and a new found one,gem stones.

Out of sheer curiosity (and the fact that I could use some help to put down few extra pounds) I saw one of these slimming equipment commercials. A guy with 6-pack abs and big biceps (looking very obviously steroid-fed) and a girl in a two-piece bikini with an enviable figure were giving some gyan on how our sedentary lifestyle (read, hogging and doing nothing style) is bad for our health, and what a boon the slimming-belt is which helps melt all that extra fat from our body.Yeah right!

While switching channels one day I saw a serious looking old (presumably knowledgeable)person lecturing on how our stars affect our lives and how big a role gem stones play in consoling (???) them and making them mend their ways. Hello...whatever happened to a person's dedication,ability and perseverance?

Highly irritated with this, I felt I should write something about it. I don’t mean to say that I have anything against them. They have to sell, and we’re their target. However as an end-user I need more persuasion and authentication than seeing and believing a person who’s paid to say that a certain thing will do wonders for me.

Time and again we’ve talked about exploiting marketing strategies adopted by companies to sell their products. As consumers we’re always taken for granted. That’s the reason why we can get banned drugs and medicines very easily over the counter. They know no matter what newspapers or news channels say, we’re ignorant.

We expect them to act with responsibility when we need to do that ourselves first. It is our life and our health we're talking about.We need to practice caution and act with awareness.  It is for us to choose the best thing for us, we cannot afford to be naïve then,right?

Another book adaptation...

The preview of 3 Idiots is out and it does look fresh and youthful. Since I’d liked the book ( Five Point Someone by Chetan Bhagat), I’m looking forward to seeing all those characters come to life on screen. Haven proved time and again that he’s a sensible director, I believe Raju Hirani must’ve done full justice to this losers’ tale of goof-ups and adventures.

Book adaptations although are a trend in the west we have few of our directors attempting to take up this challenge. The expectations people have from such a movie are far more than a run-of-the-mill commercial movie, since they’ve something to compare it to. It becomes imperative for the director to use his vision while retaining the originality and soul of the storyline.

I’m an avid reader and read all kinds of stuff. While reading a story it usually happens that I get so involved in it that all its characters start taking form in my mind. The character might be a sixty year old lady or a 2 year old kid, I empathize with them, feel a connection with them. This I believe happens with everyone who takes reading seriously. Hence when I’m subjecting myself to seeing a movie based on a book I liked, my expectations are unreasonably high.

There have been movies that’ve taken the book to another level. Say for example,Godfather. All the Godfather movies were so close to being real. One could never say that he thought Michael would be any different from Al Pacino or that he’d picturised someone else as Don Corleone,not Marlon Brando. They looked like they’d been picked up from the book itself. Such is the way book adaptations are meant to be. Unfortunately it does not happen everytime.

The argument and criticism that surrounded Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown prompted me to read it. Although we’d leave it on more qualified and learned people to deduce whether it had any fragment of reality,as a fictional novel it was not bad. The movie though disappointed me. More so since it had Tom Hanks in the lead. A good book, but a not-so-good movie.

Talking about our own film industry we’ve had a masterpiece like Guide made by Dev Anand which was made on a book by the same name written by R.K.Narayan ,and a cold turkey like Hello which was made on One night @ call center by Chetan Bhagat. Its not just the difference between the movie and the book. The choice of actors and their acting also gives an edge to the story. For example, Meera Nair's The Namesake. It was also due to the performances of Tabu and Irfan Khan that the movie was such a success.

The vision of a director might be different from that of a writer, but their intention is the same. To give life to their imagination, to take us on a ride to a make-believe world. We can only hope that when these two come together, the world they show us is out of a dream,not a nightmare.

Star Power/Brand Power

Few days ago there was news doing rounds...Shahrukh installs Tatasky in his office although he endorses its rival company. It was a slip-on as far as Shahrukh is concerned,who at all times makes sure that he leaves no stone unturned to ensure that even with his projected lifestyle he convinces us that he actually uses the brands he promotes.Whether it is his installing Pepsi vending machines at Mannat,giving away Tag Heuer watches in Kaun Banega Crorepati or whether in his recent flick 'Rab Ne Bana Di jodi' we see him showing off his Hyundai Santro.

As people who watch these commercials are we really ready to accept that a particular celebrity endorsing a product makes it any better? Does a celebrity really add brand-value to any product? Are we really that gullible to believe it when these stars tell us that certain product is good for us? Does having a star endorse a product really help in increasing a company's sales and market share?

Let us try and get answers for some of these questions...

Companies that choose these biggies for promotions are no fools. Lot of research and man hours go into taking these decisions.Companies reserve a huge chunk of money for advertisements and endorsements.Who wouldn't like a Sachin Tendulkar or Dhoni to sell for them,but it is possible? Not only is it commercially not viable always but also it might not be the right choice for you.

Every star carries an image.Say,having someone like Mallika Sherawat endorse an agarbatti would be totally inappropriate.In our country people treat their favourite actors like gods.Temples are made out for them,people pray for them.In such case if our favourite actor endorses a certain brand,it does become an emotional matter for us.Our mind might not always accept this but our heart always will go out for him. This is exactly why they are chosen. To cash in on our regard for the actor.Is it wrong? Well...can't say so..

For stars on the other hand, its a win-win situation.They are paid an exorbitant amount of money only to show up in a 2-min advertisement which is shown on television numerous number of times throughout the day. It certainly gives them lot more exposure and publicity than a film might.What we do fail to realise is that,with the star getting all the focus and attention does the brand actually leave an imprint on the viewer's mind?It is very much possible for people to remember the star but completely forget what he was endorsing.

All matters aside,stars however need to realise the responsiblity they take upon themselves when they're doing this.Their credibility is at stake here.They are exposing themselves to public scrutiny for reasons more serious than bad acting.So when Amitabh Bacchhan says 'UP mein jurm kam hai',do we take his word for it? Certainly not!But when we see people like Aamir Khan campaigning for 'Incredible India' to boost tourism it sounds credible.

To wrap up,we do love our icons and we certainly don't mind seeing them for as many times as we want,on television on signboards or even on the cover of our favourite soap.But we do expect them to believe in what they're promoting.