Is my way the right way?

All of us must've heard the line, 'parents try to relive their childhood through their children' many times. It is not unnatural for parents to be all dreamy-eyed about what future holds for their little ones and expect them to carry forward their name and legacy. Parents have a tendency to assume that the virtues and vices with which they're born and lived with will undoubtedly run down to the next generation. Is it true and does that happen every time? I guess not.


There are lots of things that we, as parents, fail to notice while bringing up our kids whilst unknowingly comparing our ways to the ways of our parents. 'I never had so many toys', 'My father never spent so much time with me', 'My mother was always there for me','I didn't have a cupboard full of clothes' and things like this are pasted all over our minds, and mistakenly we expect our kids to be thankful for the kind of lifestyle we're giving them.For them, this is the way life is, isn't it?


A Jr is just about 3.4 yr old now and I'm amused when people come and ask what plans I have for his future. You're going to make him an engineer like both of you or you're going to put him in Commerce? The world's so full of competition, you think you're choosing the right school for him? Make sure you encourage him to pay attention to extra-curricular activities...and so on. I stare incredulously at them, not knowing the answers to most of these questions.Such a little baby and subjecting him to competition,especially when it is not necessary? Why not let him choose to do what he wants, like I was allowed to? Encouragement is one thing, compulsion is another.


I was always a good student but never the one who stood first in class or brought home medals or certificates. My parents never complained or compared us with the better performing ones around, only motivating us to outperform ourselves. They gave us what we wanted but only after we did something worthy of achieving it.Is it not better to give our kids the same treatment, not bribing but complacently awarding?


I think I've digressed a lot here, but I guess I've made my point too.Wanting our kids to be clones of us is unfair. We might be the best amongst the lot of our time, but its not necessary that our child will be too. If we do something for our kid,it should be out of love,not duty or authority. Let him choose what he wants to. We can only lead the way, walking or not should be in his hands.

Role Reversal

All mothers are crazy, period! They exaggerate their kid’s smallest achievements, they feign indifference to people’s complaints against them, they adore their silly obsessive habits, they practice extreme caution when it comes to their health and well-being, they over-react at the smallest glitch regarding anything related to them, and…so on and so forth.

I’m saying all this while being well aware of the fact that I’m included in this generic but to-the-point indicative list of ‘compulsive-n-paranoid’ mother traits. What led me to suddenly come up with this? Let me tell you..

It so happened the other day that I was finishing up some work in the kitchen (grudging and sulking) late at night. While I was at work the father and son duo were having a blast; pillow fight, horse-riding on Papa’s back, cycling, dancing. Displaying extreme pride over being a good father, A said he’ll cut an apple for A Jr and make sure he eats it.

I was mildly surprised (and I swear I even blushed a bit) when A came to me with an apple slice and offered to feed it to me. Well aware of his habit of restlessly shoving one full slice in my mouth to save time (and spoil the whole romance along with ) I begged him to leave it aside for me to have it later.

What A did after that was completely unexpected! I thought I heard him tell A Jr, ‘Jaao Mamma ko apple khilake aao’ (go feed Mom the apple slice) but wasn’t sure if I heard it right. Right I was indeed! There came my cute little prince armed with an apple slice and the most killing smile in the world and extended the slice towards me. When I tried to take it from his hands he flatly refused and asked me to bend down. I obliged. I couldn’t believe my destiny and was almost in happy tears when he fed me the whole slice, no rushing, no hurrying, allowing me to chew it properly, all the while flashing that million dollar smile! *Getting all emotional again!* :) :)

It was a sight to behold. I wonder why it never struck me to take a video. May be some moments are best kept that way? I remembered all the times when I got all restless and squirmy while feeding him and felt immensely guilty for them. How true, kids teach us valuable lessons in the most unusual ways. And we mothers always take pleasure in accepting that our kids outshine and outlearn us, at any age whatsoever.

So, crazy justified??  :) :)

Back to where I belong :)

My vacation is over and I can’t be more thankful for it. Haven’t we heard that the grass is always greener on the other side? Until we go out there and find it out for ourselves there’s no way we’d know that from there our side looks greener too! Something similar happened to me. I couldn’t wait to leave the boring summer afternoons and humidity of Mumbai behind and have a blast with my family. Once there, it took me less than a week to realize just how much I’ve actually started to love and miss this place.

There was my parents and occasionally my brother with us but I had a long face at least once in a day since I missed A a lot! Not to mention that I worried endlessly about his eating habits since he’d had to eat out and sometimes confessed skipping his meals altogether because he was dreading eating alone. A Junior kept himself busy with breaking new glasses of Grandma, personally identifying and throwing out the contents of each drawer that he could reach out to and open, literally dragging Grandpa out to have a long drive in the car and howling loudly until he relented to his wishes, and on and on and on. The cutest thing was when he’d talk gibberish with A on phone no end and see his pictures and brightly smile and point him out.

At my in-laws’ place the story was different. A Junior had the greatest time with my nephew who’s all of 2 months! He’d pull his hands, pat him, kiss him and pamper him. Sometimes he was the protective elder brother who wouldn’t let any stranger touch him and sometimes he was a very possessive son who wouldn’t tolerate me even carrying the kid in my arms! He’d insist that we all treat him like we treated the baby. It was funny but very adorable. He’d shout and call out for us the moment the kid cried and make us attend to him, not realizing that it was his own violent love that disturbed his sleep.

I’d missed such family moments for a long time, but now that I’m back I don’t see myself leaving A and my home behind (which by the way was miraculously clean when I came. Kudos to A!) anytime soon. There are certain things we get habituated to and subconsciously start taking them for granted. We water our grass and take very good care of it, the other side however always appears greener. Isn’t this human nature? :)

The First Chapter

I’m a curious blend of anxiety and nervous anticipation right now. The D-day has arrived. Last many days I’d been cursing myself under my breath for acting so hastily and almost called the whole thing off. One part of me kept on blaming me for not thinking it through, whereas the other part was more welcoming and backed my decision supportively. The thought’s been nagging me endlessly day and night though. Am I doing the right thing? Or am I subjecting him to something that he’s not yet ready for?

In case you’re new here you’d wonder what I’m talking about, whereas the more informed ones would probably guess it right. I’m talking about my son’s playgroup which is starting from tomorrow. If you’ve missed the first part of this post you can read it here.

I called up at his school yesterday to confirm the date (and hoping it would be postponed, which wasn’t happening). It is going to be for all but one hour for now, and imagine my amazement when I’m asked to bring along a lunch-box, water bottle, an extra set of clothes and what not! What do kids do there? Arm wrestling in the mud which will make them hungry enough to eat with strangers and a bunch of other toddlers, who they hardly know? What would they do if he cries the moment I leave? What if some other kid towers over him and hits him?

It were these and many more such questions that my mind was preoccupied with all day, even when I went to buy a new Pokemon lunch-box and water bottle for him (which he selected himself!). A’s been trying to calm my nerves down, even offering to take a leave and accompany us. Though it sounded pretty tempting I declined it saying (uncertainly) that I can handle it on my own.

I know it’s not my first day at school, but on my first day all this worrying was done by my Mom, not me! As she recalled this morning I happily waved her good-bye when I entered my class. I hope the same happens tomorrow too, only the ‘what-in-case-it-doesn’t-happen’ part is tough to settle with.

Wish me luck!!!

A GRAND Weekend

‘We’ll come to your place this weekend then. Papa has some work and I hate to be left behind, so I’ll be joining him’. These were my mother’s words when she announced that they’ll be coming on Friday and will be spending the weekend with us. I couldn’t help chuckling all the time while talking to her and even after hanging up. Why? Because I knew that all these were mere reasons to see A Junior! Grandma couldn’t take it that Grandpa (who in turn was cooking up a story himself) would play with their laadla grandson while she’s sitting alone at home watching repeat telecasts of Balika Vadhu. :)

A Junior, in turn, couldn’t be happier with all the attention showered upon him. Last two days he’s been riding high, getting loads of chocolates (which by the way were introduced to him just recently), new toys that he can dissect and pull out open, and lots and lots of hugs and kisses which are best left unnumbered. It’s remarkable (not for me!) how he’s already learnt that it’s his victory when Grandma or Grandpa scold Mamma for being strict about his eating and napping timings!

I never told this to my parents, but seeing all this made me feel a bit jealous, good jealous, if there’s anything like it. I lost both my Grandpas when I was very young. My paternal grandmother never really bothered herself a lot with us. My maternal grandmother was the sweetest and purest human being I’ve ever come across in my life. She was the perfect Grandma; who told us lots of those raja-rani ki kahaniyan, made us our favourite dishes and saved us from our mother’s anger whenever we disrupted her sweet afternoon nap. Even at her age, her skin had a glow that no fairness cream can boast of, and shiny black hair, not one grey. I miss her a lot, and seeing my parents with A Junior I wished I could get a hug from her too. May her soul rest in peace. Love you Ma (that’s what we all called her).

I can now understand why my mother always grumbled when our Grandma took sides with us. It's amusing to see how our own parents change once they get this promotion. Any complaint about A Junior made to my mother falls on deaf ears and I've to eat my own words everytime. As she herself puts it, ' मुद्दल से ब्याज हमेशा प्यारा होता है'  (We crave more for the interest earned than the principal amount itself)! 

(My value seems to be depreciating fast...but I'm not complaining :P )

About A and A

Here’s one incident, please tell me what to make of this ‘se I don’t know how I should react.

Me and both Papa and son A were taking an evening walk yesterday. Since A Junior is an accident-prone prankster my eyes were glued on him, especially after he twisted and turned in exasperation to release his hand from mine. He was dancing merrily on the road and attracting every passer-by’s attention. No need to point out that my heart swelled with pride and I was smiling away to glory :)

Now, while I was busy ogling at my kid two boys, who appeared in their teens, passed by us. A Junior who was looking and smiling at me suddenly stopped and turned to look at those two till they were out of sight. I was startled and asked A to help me fathom just what happened.

A smirked mischievously and told me that those boys had been staring at me and A Junior was returning them just that, only his stare was ‘cold and hard’(Yeah right!).

Now, wasn’t A supposed to react to this? While he was quiet and nonchalant, A Junior became my ‘protective’ son who at least gave them the ‘stare’! When I complained about this to A, he shrugged it off saying, ‘You’re looking pretty, and they just looked at you, not like they misbehaved or anything. Big Deal!’

Well??

Ring that wedding bell!

 
Few days ago I received a call from A’s cousin, T, who was complaining about some girl his parents have seen for him and how he wants the matter to be put on hold. Following this I had a long discussion with his mother aka my aunt-in-law, but determined as she was, she paid no heed to my defences, all my convincing powers failed and the ‘ladka dikhane ka program’ went ahead as planned.

The girl’s family visited their place and as I hear, looked visibly impressed. After all, who wouldn’t like his daughter to be married to a guy who has a good job, good social standing and a good family background?! They invited our family over to their place to proceed, now with ‘ladki dikhana’.

So now we’re here. Our family’s waiting for an auspicious occasion to go see her. From what I saw in her bio-data, the girl’s good-looking, well-educated and belongs to a good family. ‘Reports’ about the girl have also been favourable. My aunt-in-law has decided that she’ll complete all the minor formalities to ‘book’ the girl before any wrong-doer turns up and messes the whole thing.( You've got to be kidding!!)

T is shaking in his shoes since he feels its all happening a bit too soon. He called me up again to share his nervousness and his inability to compel his parents to take it slow. Here’s how our conversation went:

T : Bhabhi, Mom and Dad have already decided on what all they’ll give the girl once everything falls in place!
Me: Why don’t you tell them you want more time to think?
T: I tried, but you know them na..they are saying there’s a right time for everything and there’s no point in waiting now.
Me: Do you not like the girl? Tell them so..
T: No no..there’s nothing wrong with the girl. I’ve heard only good things about her from everywhere.
Me: Then what’s the problem?
T: If I get married I’ll loose my freedom. I won’t be able to come home and leave at my own will.
Me: This will happen even if you marry after 5 yrs. You have certain responsibilities after marriage. What’s wrong in that?
T:  May be you’re right. But what about my freedom?

And the same thing continued for another hour.....grrrrr……Gimme a break!
Now, if you ask me I’m kind of confused as to what T exactly wants. If he wants to marry, why not just accept it and marry! Or may be he enjoys us trying to persuade him to do it. May be he enjoys the attention.  Honestly, it gets a boring after I’ve repeated the same things to him over and over again.

But as they say, marriage comes with a baggage, so आलिया भोगासी असावे सादर !!

Been there..done that??

Heyyy guys...

Its been quite some time since I last posted and trust me I missed being in action :(

I've been spending some considerable time with my family (sometimes just out of no choice :( ) and have to write this.

I need to share something I'd written some time back and which I didn't get a chance to post earlier. Nevertheless its most appropriate that I pour my heart out today :)

I'd experienced few situations wherein the reaction of my mother and mother-in-law was poles apart and I reckoned that this probably happens with everyone.

I'd also seen some friends go through some awfully silly experiences 'se they could never match the expectations of their so-called MILs. Can you identify with this too??

1. Your laborious experiment in the kitchen was a complete flop!

M : Never mind, try again!

MIL : Our neighbour's D-I-L is so good, she'd never do this!

2. You're planning to go for a movie.

M : Make sure you come straight home after the movie.

MIL : I have some work. Make sure dinner/lunch is ready by the time I'm back.

3.You want to attend your nappy friend's wedding.

M : Enjoy!

MIL : Family functions are important. Is it necessary to go?

4. You've been working late everyday and havent been able to clean up the mess at home.

M : Dont stress yourself. Hire some help.

MIL : You're so lazy. I managed everything on my own,alone.

5. You've put on weight and want to join a gym.

M : Make sure the money you spend doesn't go down the drain.

MIL : There's a truckload of work at home. Why do you need a gym?

6. You want a quiet evening alone with your husband.

M : Would leave you alone and support you.

MIL : This privacy thing is so exaggerated. How can you leave us behind?

7. You're 25. No kids yet.

M : There's time, but don't wait too long.

MIL : At your age I had 2 kids. What's the meaning of not being ready?

8. You have an important presentation to prepare and some guests drop in unexpectedly.

M : You're not needed the whole time, get back to work when you can.

MIL : Its not polite to excuse yourself. How can you expect me to slog alone at this age!

I'm sure I'm gonna receive some real strong replies on this.Well...brickbats and flowers...both are welcome :)