Err...is that really you??

Does internet offer the same opportunities to everyone in general, like Bigg Boss offers to its contestants? Does it give you the chance to live the identity that you always craved for? Does allowing you to put yourself up on a public platform and creating an image that is unbeknownst to a lot of people, ultimately not lead you towards an identity crisis? 

These questions have been playing in my mind since a long time, and once and for all, I want to get them out of my system. Why has internet become such an inseparable part of our lives is beyond at times. I've gone on long hiatuses, as my readers know, and although I did miss the interaction and sharing of ideas, it wasn't like my life came to a standstill. 

There were many things I wanted to write about which might remain unsaid, there might be many posts written by our wonderful bloggers that I might've liked to read but missed (which I can always go back to by the way!), there might be experiences with A Jr that would stay in my memory and camera forever but which never made it here, and so on.

There are things about me that even my friends never knew before and which they do now, thanks to my blog and FB. They didn't know that I could write and that I was interested in poetry. Although its amusing when I tell them that its a hobby I've been harbouring for ages, its a little sad that my 'little secret' is out. No one forced me to do that though, isn't it? Then do I have the right to complain? I don't know.

Most people from my childhood would remember me as reticent and an introvert. I was a very nervous kid and unfamiliarity with anything would freak me out. I had very few close friends and wasn't open even with them. I'd find disagreeing with anyone insulting to them and often ended up doing stuff I never wanted to. I think you get the picture, if only a vague one.

Now its me here, the same person. Discussing love, life and A Jr, without the slightest hesitation, even when I know many of my readers personally. I find myself updating status messages on FB, sometimes out of boredom and sometimes out of compulsion (like many many others, mind you!). I have something to comment now, a practice I strictly reserved to myself earlier. In other words, I've come out of my shell and how.

Having said that,I have to agree that in person there hasn't been a very drastic change in me now, though I'm not as docile as I was before. I have a strong opinion and have the courage to stand by it. I'm more 'out there' now, even though I'm never comfortable in a crowd. There's an improvement, but its when I'm online that I become more vocal.

We form an opinion about people from what we see and read about them, but its genuineness can never be gauged correctly. We might make countless friends here, but wouldn't know what they're made of unless we see them in person. Wouldn't it be like some sort of alternate personality then?

Coming back to my questions in the start of this post, I guess everyone would have his/her own take on it. Would love to know what you feel. 

Meeting the Parents

Mera dil bhi kitna pagal hai ye pyar to tumse karta hai

Par saamne jab tum aate ho kuch bhi kehne se darta hai…

(My silly hearts loves you, but is afraid to confess it in your presence)

What I’m about to say might not be in the same context as this song, but comes closest to it. Normally A’s the perfect husband; considerate, caring, helping. I’ve happily confessed many times on my blog that I feel blessed to be married to a gem like him. He’s more resilient than I ever can be and can tolerate my insanity and temper with surprising ease. He showers me with endless ‘I Love You’s , random pecks and hugs are aplenty, making me feel like a very desirable queen! :)

Having said that, there’s another side to this story in which the queen magically gets converted into a make-shift stranger. And it does not feel good! :(

Let me elaborate a bit on this. One thing that me and A end up arguing most when at my in-laws’ place is his indifference towards me. When we’re on our own I’m at liberty to voice my opinion and behave according to my wish and will. But in front of his parents I’m expected to blindly follow their rules, no matter how demeaning and chauvinistic they are. The usual excuse is, ‘Follow them for as long as you’re here. You’re free to do what you want at our place’. Is there really the need to have such double standards, especially when I detest it from the core?

Forget about the cute mushy habits, I know they are tough to follow (the concept of stolen moments is lost on him) when there’s people just about everywhere. But aren’t there simple things that can convey love too? Or is it a taboo to express your feelings when your parents are around? The MIL doesn’t mind claiming full right on her son for as long as we’re there while I’m left sulking and grimacing for not being able to get through to him. Tricky situation, and my loss all the way.

This setting is bearable when the number of days is limited to single digits. When it starts getting longer than that, it becomes a pain and I can’t wait to come back home and get my normal husband back. It is not at all exciting to have to endure all this. I’ve not been able to figure out where exactly the problem lies. Is it the mother who still can’t let go of her son? Or the son who thinks ignoring his wife would make his mother feel better? Or the stupid belief that we need to bow down to our elders’ wishes at all times?

Whatever the case, I don’t see myself being freed from this maze anytime soon.

Thanks my new friend :)

Four years ago: Marriage, dreams, aspirations.

Two years ago: Career, financial independence, freedom.

Currently: Career on a backseat, husband provided expenses, responsibilities.

The story of my existence can be summed up in these past four years. Why? Because the life that I had before getting married has almost faded into oblivion. What I did, what I liked or what I hated before this has no bearing on my actions or preferences now.  There are days when these things frustrate me, there are days when I want a break, but then there are also days when I feel grateful for them.

It is all about setting priorities and sticking to them. And when you have done that, be sure that you did the right thing. I decided to be a full-time Mom ‘se I didn’t want to leave A Jr with a babysitter or a day-care. I wanted to see him grow up with my own eyes, didn’t want to miss any of the cute things he does. I did just that. My career suffered, the loneliness at home was killing, and the demands of motherhood were daunting and exhausting. I got a bit tired of it.

But today, I met someone and things turned around. I met a lady whose son is A Jr’s playgroup-mate. The kid’s younger than A Jr and has just started school. Understandably, she was anxious about her son’s doing, the way I was during A Jr’s first week. It took all but one smile from me and she joined me in waiting for our respective kids. We got talking and hit it off almost instantly. Her story was similar to me. She left her job after her son was born and is a full-time Mom now. The situations and experiences she mentioned sounded very similar to mine.

She doesn’t even know this, but after talking to her I felt more confident and sure of myself. Not that I needed a proof of it, but seeing someone in the same shoes as mine made me feel like I had company. I was not alone out there. It felt heartening to finally have someone who's riding the same boat with you and wants to know if she's rowing it properly. I’m sure I’ll look forward to meeting her everyday and talk about everything under the sun with her.

Togetherness @ 4

I've seen people planning for this day from months in advance; preparing the guest list with utmost care, making sure to get the most enviable gifts for yourself, never missing even a single occasion to display your undying love for each other, etc etc etc.

As much as I'd have liked to go by the conventional way of celebrating my 4th wedding anniversary, it was not bound to happen, and I was glad for it. I'm not exactly the anti-social type, but these so-called social-dos seem like work to me. They're fun for A Jr, but definitely not for me. I prefer being in the company of loved ones and sharing a quiet cozy evening together. But what took place was even better than my imagination.

We had two of my very dear and very fun-to-be-with brothers-in-law for company this time round. One of them's getting hitched next month and they were here for the whole wedding shopping thing (A dedicated wedding shopping post coming up very soon for you).Anyway, the day started with heavy showers and a visibly sick A Jr. Poor thing, he was down with cough, cold and some viral infection. Bunked his school and stayed home while the BIL's went for shopping alone and A joined them later.

Predictably, they got stuck in the rain and were running late. I, on my part, made sure to plan ahead a lovely surprise for them at home!  Cooked for them ( Soya+moong+cheese sandwiches and Hakka noodles, strange combo, but it totally works!) and got a sinfully rich and very delicious Chocolate cake for us. When the very exhausted trio returned, all they could manage was an honest and grateful smile and an endless string of compliments on the food and the cake. Could I ask for anything more? :)

A's gift to me is not to be divulged, but yes, I gifted him a poem that I wrote exclusively for him, from the time we met till date. His million dollar smile after reading it proved that it was well worth the effort. Am sharing it with you:

Chale the safar par tab do ajnabee the,
Ab lagta nahi ki kabhi bhi juda the,
Pehle ek saal nikla, phir do, aur phir teen,
Chautha jaane ko hai, sach mein kya hum yahan the?

Wo kal hi to tha jab hum tum mile the,
Main accident mein aur tum train mein fase the,
Kuch kaha nahi tumne, main bolti rahi bas,
Khamosh se tum aate hue kal ko dekhte the.

Aapas ki hamari an-ban ko tum natural kehte the,
Main ruthti, chillati, tum hanske jhelte the,
Anjaane mein kabhi jo tumhara dil dukhaya,
Mera bachpana samajhkar use bhool jaathe the.

Ye chaar saal hote chaar sadiyon ki tarah,
Tum inme agar apne pyaar ka rang na bharte the,
Na jaan paati kabhi mein ki khushi kya hoti hai,
Apne chiraag se gar mera jahan roshan na karte the.

Am I still stuck in my dreamy world or love is really in the air?? ;)

Go strike it!

Pins tagged me with this one. Though it took more time to complete than I’d expected, I enjoyed doing it!

      1.       Graduated high school – Ofcourse!

2.      Kissed someone – I’d be a waste if I didn’t! :D

3.      Smoked a cigarette – Never! And don’t even intend to..

4.      Got so drunk you passed out – Nopes.

5.      Rode every ride at an amusement park – Always. It’s a must-do!

6.      Collected something stupid – No. Nothing I buy is stupid for me.

7.      Gone to a rock concert – No.

8.      Helped someone – Yes. As much as I can, always.

9.      Gone fishing – No. I’m a vegetarian. What’s the point? :P

10.   Watched four movies in one night – College life. Hah!

11.    Lied to someone – Yes. Haven’t we all?

12.   Snorted cocaine – No. Never!

13.   Smoked weed – Why, no again!

14.   Failed a subject – No. Was close to it, but got saved! (grace marks zindabad!)

15.   Been in a car accident – Yes. I wasn’t behind the wheel though, and it was the day I met A for the first time. (No, we didn’t hit him)

16.   Been in a tornado – Thankfully, no.

17.   Watched someone die – No. Hope I won’t too, I’m hyper-sensitive.

18.   Been to a funeral – Yes, unavoidable.

19.   Burned yourself -  I’ve lost the count of it! Everything from hot pans, tawas and even hot oil have done their job well!

20.  Run a marathon – In school, yes. Would love to be a part of one now.

21.   Cried yourself to sleep – Yes, many times.

22.  Spent over 10,000 bucks in one day – I’m capable of spending more!! :D ;)

23.  Flown on an aeroplane – Yes.

24.  Cheated on someone – I hope not.

25.  Been cheated on – Yes.

26.  Written a 10 page letter – Don’t have that much patience! A long mail qualifies?

27.  Gone skiing – No L

28.  Been sailing – Yes yes, and I loved it!

29.  Cut yourself – Many times.

30.  Had a best friend – Wrong question! Best friends are applicable only in present and future tense.

31.   Lost someone you loved - We all have, some or the other way.

32.  Got into trouble for something you didn't do – Oh yes! Ask Nu, she knows.

33.  Stolen (yes :P) borrowed (yes) a book from a library - I forgot to return it, so that means I stole it right?

34.  Gone to a different country – Yes.

35.  Watched the Harry Potter movies – Yes, but not all of them. I’m not too much into special effects aided movies.

36.  Had an online diary – Yes, safe and secure, far from all prying eyes.

37.   Fired a gun - Yes. At fairs, for bursting balloons :D

38.  Gambled in a casino – No. But I did play a lot of those coin games at clubs.

39.  Been in a school play – Yes. College plays were more enjoyable though.

40. Been fired from a job – No. Kiski majaal hai ki ye gustakhi kare??:P

41.   Taken a lie detector test – No.

42.  Swam with dolphins – I can’t swim, can I try that with safety jackets?? :P

43.  Voted for someone on a reality TV show – Yes, did that only once for Rahul Vaidya, cute guy, but wasn't foolish enough to repeat it.

44. Written poetry- Yes yes yes.

45.  Read more than 20 books a year – No! I lose interest if it’s overdone.

46. Gone to Europe – No.

47.  Loved someone you shouldn’t have – Confusing question!!

48. Used a colouring book over age 12 – Yes.

49. Had a surgery – No,Thank God!! I’m too scared of it.

50.  Had stitches – No again!!

51.   Taken a taxi – Ofcourse, what’s there to ask in this??

52.  Had more than 5 IM conversations going on at once – Yes.

53.  Been is a fist fight – Ya ya, my brother was my favourite assailant and prey!:D

54.  Suffered any form of abuse - No.

55.  Had a pet – No. Dad didn’t like pets. Want to get a goldfish when A Jr grows up a bit.

56.  Petted a wild animal – No!

57.   Had your own credit card & bought something with it – No, I prefer swiping debit cards. Have used A’s credit cards sometimes.

58.  Dyed your hair – Yes.

59.  Got a tattoo – Yes. All sorts, ranging from flowers to Power Puff girls to cars!

60. Had something pierced – Oh yes. I wear three pairs of earrings (Absolutely love it!) and a nose ring too!

61.   Got straight A’s – We didn’t have grades, but I always managed to get good marks.

62.  Known someone personally with HIV or AIDS – No.

63.  Taken pictures with webcam – Yes, my Gtalk pic for one :D

64. Lost something expensive – Yes.

65.  Gone to sleep with music on – Music I don’t think, but lights yes.

I’m not tagging anyone with this one since Pins tagged a lot of people already. Whoever wants can pick this up! All yours! 

Riding High and Eating away

In three months’ time I’ll hit 30 and the weight of slowly and steadily stepping into middle age seems to burden me sometimes. That is why whenever I get the smallest opportunity to relive the childhood that I once had, I seize it promptly and wholeheartedly. One such thing which was an integral part of my childhood (and all of you too I’m sure) was visiting those typical Fun Fairs…more commonly called as Anand Nagari at our place.

As kids we waited eagerly for any such fair to come up since it promised us lots of enjoyment; all kinds of fun rides, games and unrestricted binging on junk food. Mom and Dad were lenient and didn’t mind us getting overtly demanding and vocal. We could buy anything of our choice; clothes, accessories, games. I remember buying cute hand carved pen-stands and hair clips for myself from there and guarding them with my life. What fun!!

This time when I went back home I got a chance to visit one such Anand Nagari. I did enjoy myself, but what I enjoyed more was A Jr’s excitement and insistence to see each and everything! Here are some pics from back there. Do you miss these too??

One would expect a kid of his age to be scared of a merry-go-round but he simply loved it!! I had to hold on to him tightly to stop him from dancing in the moving riders. I'm sure he had a better time than I did :P

This one was my personal favourite. The ride was probably not more than a minute long for one round and the ride had 6-7 such rounds. I always insisted on riding it over and over again but gave it a miss this time :(

A Jr had the first baraf ka gola of his life. A mix of Rose and Cola flavours, he devoured it and slurped it greedily. Needless to say his whole dress was drenched in the sticky liquid, but watching him have it so diligently made me ignore all that :)

We girls have a radar which detects any chaat stall immediately. Without the slightest care of an already upset stomach and even more calories I ate and ate lots of pani puris. This one is the pic of the chana chor stall. Had some of it then and there and carried some back home too :)

I bought lots of beautiful bangles too, but was so busy selecting and buying them that taking a picture didn't even click me, pun unintended! :P

My parents just couldn't get enough of his antics. Even at this age my father took him around everywhere. He was physically drained but had a proud smile on his face throughout. Ditto with my mother. She was the one who fed him that baraf ka gola. Loads of patience, I must add. But that's how grandparents are, right? :D

And such was an awesome fun-filled evening. Tell me, did I take you back into your childhood too??

Mango and Mint Sorbet

Out of the many things I like and love about A one is his fondness of and encouragement to let me try out new recipes. It’s not infrequent to find him coaxing me to leave the regular sabzis aside and give him a grand treat with a recently read/seen/heard recipe. Since this is the only time of the year when we can really experiment with mangoes I tried and made lots of things for him. One of them happens to be the recipe I’m giving you. The original recipe is Sanjeev Kapoor’s. (I have a very slight change in mine)

Mango and Mint Sorbet

Ingredients: 

Alphonso mangoes- 2 no
Lemon juice- 1 tsp
Mint leaves- 3-4 leaves
Ginger- Half inch long piece
Sugar – as per requirement.

Procedure:

1.Cut the mangoes into cubes and keep them in the freezer for about 2 hours.
2.Blend all the ingredients together in a blender. If needed add few ice cubes.
3.The sorbet is ready to be served and finished! :)

The sorbet is a mix of spicy, sour and sweet flavours and the taste stays with you hours after you've had it. I'd prepared it in advance and stored it in the fridge. If you like you can store it in the freezer.
A very simple recipe but is simply superb! Try it out! :)

On summers and Adios!

‘I want to have summer vacations now like we had when we were kids!’ I told A the other day, out of the blue.

Slightly perplexed, A replied with a couple of questions, ‘What would you do if you did have summer vacations? What did you do back then?’

‘Well…I went to my Mama’s(maternal Uncle) place…met all my cousins..had a blast with them..ate lots of mangoes…watched TV all the time..slept on the terrace and got up only when the sun seemed like it was torching my skin..played all kinds of games…in short…it was masti time!’ I went on and on…oh such nostalgic moments! :)

‘Wow…sounds fun…what’s stopping you then? You can do all of that even now. It’ll be a good break for you from the monotony out here. Want me to make your travel arrangements?’ A was being incredibly supportive. *Danger/Confusion/Jhol alert*

Weighing my options and scrutinizing the whole scene clearly made me realize that what seemed very simple in theory was far too tricky practically. Some of my cousins are working and won’t get holidays easily, the ones who are studying have some or the other classes to attend even during this time. I’m on a 'losing weight’ mission and have to seriously cut down calories, so mangoes have to be limited too (sulk..sulk..sulk). I don’t have any deadline for watching TV now, in fact I’m kind of bored with the whole lot of nonsense shown on it nowadays. And most important, if I go to my Mama’s place I’ll have to cancel going to my Mom’s since A Junior has limited summer vacations. Where does that leave me then? Do I really want this? *Wondering endlessly*

As if reading my thoughts, A, my knight in shining armour came to my rescue. ‘Changes happen in our life, many times without our knowledge and consent, but they do. Our priorities change, and so do our responsibilities. Mom did her best by making sure you got a slice of that fun at your Mama’s place by sending you there. It’s your turn now. You’ve to let A Junior spend time with his family, his Grandmas and Grandpas, his Uncles and Aunts and his sweet little cousin. We’ve been there, done that. Let him get all the pampering too!’ He said matter-of-factly, knowing this was exactly what I wanted to hear.

I hate to admit, but he was right. Although we’d love to be spoilt all our lives and refuse to grow up ever, it’s an imperative phase of our life and we have to accept it whole-heartedly. Childhood is the best time of our life, and gives us lovely memories for a lifetime. We can tuck those moments away safely in some corner of our mind and look back at them fondly, whenever we want.

Having said that, I’d like to inform all my dear friends out here that I’m going to be away from our blog world for the next few days. I’m off on a holiday and won’t be carrying my laptop with me. Would try and keep up with you guys, going to miss you all! You all are such lovely people! Adios! :)

Got Awarded! YAY!! :)

‘Jab koi kuch dil se chahta hai na, real mein, to use wo zaroor milta hai’

Me quoting a filmy dialogue seems very melodramatic but this is exactly how I’m feeling right now. Ever since I saw this award I was secretly hoping that some kind soul would give it away to me, and the darling that she is, Comfy did just that! Thanks Comfy dear for this yummy looking Cupcake Award…Hugs! :D

Another good part is that I get to tell three things that I love about myself (so people have some heart and be kind to me regarding them :)). Here goes:

1.I love my eyes and I’ve often been complimented on them too. Sensuous, naughty, beautiful are some of the adjectives that have been used for them. My eyelids have a reddish tinge to them which stands out even on my wheatish complexion and give them a permanent ‘made-up’ effect.
2.I love my ability to transform myself into the role of a friend/daughter/sister etc effortlessly depending upon who I’m with and what the person needs or wants me to be at that time.
3.I’m incapable of holding grudges against anyone. If someone has hurt me I’d try and cut off from that person completely, but never let anything fog my judgement or understanding to indulge in anything foolish.

I also need to post a picture I love...so here it is :)

Reason...nothing special....I just love the way this cute little kid is sleeping...not a single worry in the world..dreaming away about God-knows-what! :)

I'm passing on this badge to these 5 wonderful people: G , Titaxy , Addy , Chatterbox , Psych Babbler

My blog is even more special to me because of all of you. Thank you all guys! :)

The Changing Uni-form

The other day I was amusingly dressing up A Junior in his first ever school uniform(which is very vibrant with a bright yellow shirt and navy blue shorts and red collars and pockets), and I couldn’t help feeling nostalgic and going down the memory lane, remembering the very essential part of our school: our school uniform.

The first sign of identification that one looks out for to comprehend which school you belong to is your uniform. During our time there wasn’t much experimentation with colours and our uniforms looked very bland and boring. The colour was a strange shade of brown; girls wore a frock which had a belt around the waist, while guys had a shirt and shorts of the same colour. Secondary students wore a maroon coloured tie.

The school norms for beautiful mehndi designs on hands, girls showing off their stylishly cut tresses in pony tails or better still leaving them open, and the length of the frocks getting dangerously above the knees were not very strict, hence it was fun to watch the college years already descending upon some of us. Also, it added some spice to the tasteless rag that we had to wear every day.

Passing out of school I felt that uniforms had finally left my life for good. In Junior college I breathed a sigh of relief when I wasn’t forced to don the same washed and rewashed clothes again and again the whole week. I had the freedom to choose from the countless dresses that I had lying around in my closet and which were crying out to be worn! But my joy was short-lived, to say the least.

When I was an engg student we again (!) had a uniform (can you believe it!): white shirt and blue jeans. The specifications were very clear; both guys and girls had to wear a buttoned shirt (for girls the expected length of the shirt was well below the waist) and a decent pair of jeans (meaning no holes in them and no threads hanging out of anywhere).

The crowd of any college being an ensemble of students from varied backgrounds, geographical locations and level of financial conditions, these criteria were obviously very rarely met. The fact that these ‘uniformed’ people were now adults and had a rebellious quality that was ready to show itself at all times became a hindrance in regulating them. So yet again, the uniform became a fashion statement.

Looking back, I feel they weren’t that bad either. It’d have been a punishment to decide every night what to pick out for the next day and get the selected dress in order, not to mention the accessories and embellishments to go with it. Now, when A complains that I take a hell lot of time to decide on what to wear and almost empty my whole closet to find what best suits my mood, I feel I could actually make do with a uniform for going out with my husband!