Thursday, December 22

Shifting base to WP

Dear readers,

Like I mentioned in my last post I've finally decided to switch to Wordpress. The humbling support and encouragement I got from all of you here is expected there too!

Here's my new url : AVibrant Pallet

Hope to see you there! Ciao!

Tuesday, December 13

The place I call Home

It's done and is ready to come out in the open. It has a new address, a new ring to its name, and still is the good old me. Personalising has become a whole new experience with it. I’ve been spending a considerable amount of time on trying to give it a spanking new look, and I must say, it is quite alluring. Why then haven’t I yet shared it with all of you? I don’t know!

The identity in question is a new blog that I’ve been meaning to put up at Wordpress (actually I have already put it up). I’d signed up a few months ago, while the whole ‘importing’ my older posts from Blogger happened few days back.

I was mighty glad to be able to upload the pictures of my choice and had a beautiful collage prepared for the same. The choice of themes had changed; the appearance was fresh and different.I could do away with some of the many widgets on my blog which I’ve hardly ever used. In short, it was like buying a new house and renovating it for comfort, with your signature touch. I always liked the various new features that Wordpress offered and was curious to try them out.

Having said all this, I haven’t yet made my blog public. Wonder whether it is the confidence and comfort that comes with familiarity or the affection one has with a maiden project, I’m just not able to give this blog up. I’ve not been regular enough with this one itself, maintaining two would be ridiculous. For me writing is fun when it's done by choice, and boring when it is just for the sake of it.

Also comes the question of losing out on my readers who'll need to change my url everywhere. And what happens next? If I get bored with Wordpress in some time will I need to create a new blog again? What is wrong with this one then? This too has been autographed (!) by me (Check out my digital signature)! :D

I’m not able to find a solution for my quandary. Shall I give this one up and start the new one or shall I let the new one remain under wraps like it is now? Many of you have gone through this dilemma. Any suggestions?

Sunday, December 11 that really you??

Does internet offer the same opportunities to everyone in general, like Bigg Boss offers to its contestants? Does it give you the chance to live the identity that you always craved for? Does allowing you to put yourself up on a public platform and creating an image that is unbeknownst to a lot of people, ultimately not lead you towards an identity crisis? 

These questions have been playing in my mind since a long time, and once and for all, I want to get them out of my system. Why has internet become such an inseparable part of our lives is beyond at times. I've gone on long hiatuses, as my readers know, and although I did miss the interaction and sharing of ideas, it wasn't like my life came to a standstill

There were many things I wanted to write about which might remain unsaid, there might be many posts written by our wonderful bloggers that I might've liked to read but missed (which I can always go back to by the way!), there might be experiences with A Jr that would stay in my memory and camera forever but which never made it here, and so on.

There are things about me that even my friends never knew before and which they do now, thanks to my blog and FB. They didn't know that I could write and that I was interested in poetry. Although its amusing when I tell them that its a hobby I've been harbouring for ages, its a little sad that my 'little secret' is out. No one forced me to do that though, isn't it? Then do I have the right to complain? I don't know.

Most people from my childhood would remember me as reticent and an introvert. I was a very nervous kid and unfamiliarity with anything would freak me out. I had very few close friends and wasn't open even with them. I'd find disagreeing with anyone insulting to them and often ended up doing stuff I never wanted to. I think you get the picture, if only a vague one.

Now its me here, the same person. Discussing love, life and A Jr, without the slightest hesitation, even when I know many of my readers personally. I find myself updating status messages on FB, sometimes out of boredom and sometimes out of compulsion (like many many others, mind you!). I have something to comment now, a practice I strictly reserved to myself earlier. In other words, I've come out of my shell and how.

Having said that,I have to agree that in person there hasn't been a very drastic change in me now, though I'm not as docile as I was before. I have a strong opinion and have the courage to stand by it. I'm more 'out there' now, even though I'm never comfortable in a crowd. There's an improvement, but its when I'm online that I become more vocal.

We form an opinion about people from what we see and read about them, but its genuineness can never be gauged correctly. We might make countless friends here, but wouldn't know what they're made of unless we see them in person. Wouldn't it be like some sort of alternate personality then?

Coming back to my questions in the start of this post, I guess everyone would have his/her own take on it. Would love to know what you feel. 

Wednesday, December 7

The hand that rocks the cradle...

Leaving one's comfort zone is never easy. The nervousness of stepping into a new world, of seeing and meeting people we don’t know properly, the perplexity of how to blend in when at times you simply won’t want to, the thought of changing and sharing your life and everything with and for someone else, and many such baffling questions and sentiments occupy our minds when we make the big shift: marriage.

I might’ve started my post on this note, but it’s not marriage that I’m going to write about. My life has been transformed beyond recognition after A stepped into the life partner’s shoes, but there are some things that just can't be done away with. And for me the first and foremost thing that is simply unchangeable is my dependence on my mother

A lot has been said about how a mother is the first teacher to her children, how she’s the epitome of love, care and dedication and how important she is in anyone’s life, so I’m not going to repeat any of that stuff. We know that already, don’t we?  What I’m interested in are the unique individual traits that separate every single mother from another one.

Having a kid of my own has now made me realise just how handful I must’ve been. I was a very fussy eater even when I was 25 yrs old, was a little brash for a girl, had mood swings which would come unannounced anytime, had demands which would never seem to end, and….well..well…I’m criticizing myself on my own blog, duh! What I want to convey here is that having to deal with me wouldn’t have been at all easy for her, but she did so, wonderfully.

She told me that my life’s decisions were my responsibility and I needed to be answerable for them. She never blamed me for not making it to the top. She celebrated my not-so-good results by taking me out for dinner, just to cheer me up. She was not just my friend but a friend to my friends. She was there every single time I was on stage, for anything, just to watch me. She sacrificed her plans to buy a new ring so I could get my earrings. She cleaned my room, even my cupboard at times, removed clothes that needed washing and replaced them, ironed. She never complained when I misbehaved, only silently allowed that teardrop fall down her cheeks, when I apologised. 

When I left my house for the first time, for pursuing my post-graduation, she cried like she’d never see me again. Although she slowly started pursuing her interests she made it a point to talk to me every single day, a habit she hasn’t left till date. My marriage was a very emotional topic for her and though she never mentioned it upfront I knew she wanted to find a suitable boy for me herself. I happily let her do the honours, and hence came my better half, the one person who could never be replaced by anyone. Am I glad for it now or what?

Even now the mother in her hasn’t let go of her kid daughter a bit. She still worries for the smallest things concerning me, but yes, her encouraging nature hasn’t changed too. When I told her I wanted to study further, she was elated and proud of me. She’s very happy to see the way I’m bringing up A Jr, and says I do a better job than her at times. Boy, could there be a better compliment than this!

So I guess, leaving our comfort zone is not that difficult, when the one person who makes it all happen is there with you, practically or virtually, through phone, emails or messages.

What more can I say…I’m out of words now! 

Friday, December 2

Is my way the right way?

All of us must've heard the line, 'parents try to relive their childhood through their children' many times. It is not unnatural for parents to be all dreamy-eyed about what future holds for their little ones and expect them to carry forward their name and legacy. Parents have a tendency to assume that the virtues and vices with which they're born and lived with will undoubtedly run down to the next generation. Is it true and does that happen every time? I guess not.

There are lots of things that we, as parents, fail to notice while bringing up our kids whilst unknowingly comparing our ways to the ways of our parents. 'I never had so many toys', 'My father never spent so much time with me', 'My mother was always there for me','I didn't have a cupboard full of clothes' and things like this are pasted all over our minds, and mistakenly we expect our kids to be thankful for the kind of lifestyle we're giving them.For them, this is the way life is, isn't it?

A Jr is just about 3.4 yr old now and I'm amused when people come and ask what plans I have for his future. You're going to make him an engineer like both of you or you're going to put him in Commerce? The world's so full of competition, you think you're choosing the right school for him? Make sure you encourage him to pay attention to extra-curricular activities...and so on. I stare incredulously at them, not knowing the answers to most of these questions.Such a little baby and subjecting him to competition,especially when it is not necessary? Why not let him choose to do what he wants, like I was allowed to? Encouragement is one thing, compulsion is another.

I was always a good student but never the one who stood first in class or brought home medals or certificates. My parents never complained or compared us with the better performing ones around, only motivating us to outperform ourselves. They gave us what we wanted but only after we did something worthy of achieving it.Is it not better to give our kids the same treatment, not bribing but complacently awarding?

I think I've digressed a lot here, but I guess I've made my point too.Wanting our kids to be clones of us is unfair. We might be the best amongst the lot of our time, but its not necessary that our child will be too. If we do something for our kid,it should be out of love,not duty or authority. Let him choose what he wants to. We can only lead the way, walking or not should be in his hands.

Monday, November 28

Bas Ek Koshish

I didn't write these lines, they've written themselves. They just came to me and I jotted them down, although they succeed in expressing my state of mind quite accurately.

कोशिश करना आसान है, कोशिश करवाना आसान नहीं
जब हार बैठे हिम्मत ही कोई, कामयाब होता वो इंसान नहीं
कर सकूँगा कुछ मैं या नहीं, क्यूँ सोचके वक़्त बर्बाद करें
बेपर भी हम उड़ पाएंगे, मुमकिन पाया था ज़माने ने?
वक़्त के धुंए ने राहें भुला दी, मंजिल का कहीं निशाँ नहीं
क्या ऐसे में मुमकिन नहीं, नयी राहें हैं रौशन और कहीं?
खुद से या ज़माने से क्यूँ कोई भी कुछ शिकायत करे
चुना ज़िन्दगी को तुम्हारी, क्या एहसान न किया उपरवाले ने?
हमारा हक है कोशिश करना, कामयाबी की शर्त रखना नहीं
जो ख्वाब देखे पूरे होंगे, न हुए भी तो ज़िन्दगी खाली नहीं...

Tuesday, August 9

The Magic of Three

Wow...hadn't written since so long and another post so soon! :)

This post can be considered as a sequel to the last one since it deals with 'motherhood' once again. My little prince, who gave me the chance to be called a mother, who made me experience this lovely feeling by coming in my life, who made me realise that I wasn't a complete woman without him, turns Three today.

Seems like it was just yesterday (and I'm sure I'll feel the same every year!) when I held him in my arms for the first time. Remembering that frail figure, those tiny fingers, that angelic face, that immediate and almost necessary throwing of tantrums, etc. makes me feel like an eternity has passed since. 

I can't help but reminisce the time when his standing up on his own feet, his first baby steps and his senseless and unclear blabbering gave me a big high. I longed to hear him say 'Mamma' and understand and reciprocate correctly to my questions. I did everything I could to get him flash me his wonderful smile. I wanted the world to be at his feet and give him each and everything he wanted.

I had to be the tougher one too and instill discipline in him by creating deadlines for his television time and limiting his chocolates. I had to make sure he had his fruits and meals on time and tell him that a bag of chips/burger/pizza is not a replacement for chapatis and vegetables.(Even A had issues accepting these rules! :P) I took all efforts to make him realise the significance of listening to his parents and following their suggestions. In short, I had to act like the villain in our family scene.

But, but, I'm not one! So to counter my acting controlling he gets to sit on the kitchen platform while I cook for him and demand whatever he wants, he gets to choose which movie to see next, he's awarded a new toy every single time we go out,etc. 

God, I can go on and on on this, can't I? He's evolved and so have I. Time changes so fast that before you can cease the moment, it's gone. Who once rode a cradle is now in Nursery, and before I know it, will go to college and make a life of his own! Am I over-reacting here? Possibly, but in my place, who wouldn't?

I gave a Bugs Bunny milk chocolate cake in his school for celebrating his birthday today. My kiddo (who wore his new Popeye t-shirt and capris)who was looking like a killer hunk in the making,couldn't get enough of all the attention and was glowing with happiness. When I left him back and came home I almost had a lump in my throat and a feeling of pride in my heart. That, ladies and gentlemen, is A Junior for you!

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