Meeting the Parents

Mera dil bhi kitna pagal hai ye pyar to tumse karta hai

Par saamne jab tum aate ho kuch bhi kehne se darta hai…

(My silly hearts loves you, but is afraid to confess it in your presence)

What I’m about to say might not be in the same context as this song, but comes closest to it. Normally A’s the perfect husband; considerate, caring, helping. I’ve happily confessed many times on my blog that I feel blessed to be married to a gem like him. He’s more resilient than I ever can be and can tolerate my insanity and temper with surprising ease. He showers me with endless ‘I Love You’s , random pecks and hugs are aplenty, making me feel like a very desirable queen! :)

Having said that, there’s another side to this story in which the queen magically gets converted into a make-shift stranger. And it does not feel good! :(

Let me elaborate a bit on this. One thing that me and A end up arguing most when at my in-laws’ place is his indifference towards me. When we’re on our own I’m at liberty to voice my opinion and behave according to my wish and will. But in front of his parents I’m expected to blindly follow their rules, no matter how demeaning and chauvinistic they are. The usual excuse is, ‘Follow them for as long as you’re here. You’re free to do what you want at our place’. Is there really the need to have such double standards, especially when I detest it from the core?

Forget about the cute mushy habits, I know they are tough to follow (the concept of stolen moments is lost on him) when there’s people just about everywhere. But aren’t there simple things that can convey love too? Or is it a taboo to express your feelings when your parents are around? The MIL doesn’t mind claiming full right on her son for as long as we’re there while I’m left sulking and grimacing for not being able to get through to him. Tricky situation, and my loss all the way.

This setting is bearable when the number of days is limited to single digits. When it starts getting longer than that, it becomes a pain and I can’t wait to come back home and get my normal husband back. It is not at all exciting to have to endure all this. I’ve not been able to figure out where exactly the problem lies. Is it the mother who still can’t let go of her son? Or the son who thinks ignoring his wife would make his mother feel better? Or the stupid belief that we need to bow down to our elders’ wishes at all times?

Whatever the case, I don’t see myself being freed from this maze anytime soon.

Togetherness @ 4

I've seen people planning for this day from months in advance; preparing the guest list with utmost care, making sure to get the most enviable gifts for yourself, never missing even a single occasion to display your undying love for each other, etc etc etc.

As much as I'd have liked to go by the conventional way of celebrating my 4th wedding anniversary, it was not bound to happen, and I was glad for it. I'm not exactly the anti-social type, but these so-called social-dos seem like work to me. They're fun for A Jr, but definitely not for me. I prefer being in the company of loved ones and sharing a quiet cozy evening together. But what took place was even better than my imagination.

We had two of my very dear and very fun-to-be-with brothers-in-law for company this time round. One of them's getting hitched next month and they were here for the whole wedding shopping thing (A dedicated wedding shopping post coming up very soon for you).Anyway, the day started with heavy showers and a visibly sick A Jr. Poor thing, he was down with cough, cold and some viral infection. Bunked his school and stayed home while the BIL's went for shopping alone and A joined them later.

Predictably, they got stuck in the rain and were running late. I, on my part, made sure to plan ahead a lovely surprise for them at home!  Cooked for them ( Soya+moong+cheese sandwiches and Hakka noodles, strange combo, but it totally works!) and got a sinfully rich and very delicious Chocolate cake for us. When the very exhausted trio returned, all they could manage was an honest and grateful smile and an endless string of compliments on the food and the cake. Could I ask for anything more? :)

A's gift to me is not to be divulged, but yes, I gifted him a poem that I wrote exclusively for him, from the time we met till date. His million dollar smile after reading it proved that it was well worth the effort. Am sharing it with you:

Chale the safar par tab do ajnabee the,
Ab lagta nahi ki kabhi bhi juda the,
Pehle ek saal nikla, phir do, aur phir teen,
Chautha jaane ko hai, sach mein kya hum yahan the?

Wo kal hi to tha jab hum tum mile the,
Main accident mein aur tum train mein fase the,
Kuch kaha nahi tumne, main bolti rahi bas,
Khamosh se tum aate hue kal ko dekhte the.

Aapas ki hamari an-ban ko tum natural kehte the,
Main ruthti, chillati, tum hanske jhelte the,
Anjaane mein kabhi jo tumhara dil dukhaya,
Mera bachpana samajhkar use bhool jaathe the.

Ye chaar saal hote chaar sadiyon ki tarah,
Tum inme agar apne pyaar ka rang na bharte the,
Na jaan paati kabhi mein ki khushi kya hoti hai,
Apne chiraag se gar mera jahan roshan na karte the.

Am I still stuck in my dreamy world or love is really in the air?? ;)

Love Romance and Us

I’ve always felt that love and romance is an exaggerated and baffled concept. Exaggerated by people who seek to earn some revenue out of it, and baffled by people like us who fall into the trap. How significant it is in our lives and how imperative it is for a relationship is for an individual to understand and decide.

All of us have countless dreams from our teenage (which are highly fueled by some whirlwind romance from Mills & Boons, some highly melodramatic romantic movie where the hero woos his darling with this ardent love for her, and sometimes even by some love story of a friend or a classmate that we’ve had a firsthand account of) and expect that someday our knight in shining armour would come and take us to his paradise of undiluted and undying love.

If the reality is a stark contrast to this, we end up sulking and lamenting. There have been many instances when I’ve heard some or the other person, especially a girl, crib about how unromantic her other half is. He doesn’t bring her flowers, doesn’t take her for candle-light dinners, doesn’t sing romantic songs for her, and on and on. As if they are a proof that he doesn’t love her. Sigh! :(

I know all these things sound very mushy and indeed would make any girl go weak in her knees, but are these things really all that important? And if they are and he doesn’t do it, does she take the pain of letting him know that she’d like him to do all of them for her? I guess not! I’m not trying to advocate the opposite sex here, but making a relevant point. If the other one doesn’t know what you want, there’s nothing wrong in letting him know that. After all it’s you who’s going to reap the benefits of it, right? :D

We try to find love in cards, gifts and physical things, when it can be felt and conveyed best through the simplest things…eyes…a smile…small gestures like selecting each other’s clothes for a party…so on and so forth. If one tries to compare these things with some expensive piece of diamond jewellery, then it is wrong and unfair. One gets bored with these things very easily, but emotional bonding is what stays with you forever.

The best example for unfrilled love can be our parents. We’ve probably never seen them expressing their feelings for each other freely, but it is palpable. They can read each other’s minds and almost always predict flawlessly as to what the other one is up to. They have such a strong bond that they can silently convey their feelings to each other, by just a look or a gesture. This, I feel, is romance at its best, isn’t it?