Is my way the right way?

All of us must've heard the line, 'parents try to relive their childhood through their children' many times. It is not unnatural for parents to be all dreamy-eyed about what future holds for their little ones and expect them to carry forward their name and legacy. Parents have a tendency to assume that the virtues and vices with which they're born and lived with will undoubtedly run down to the next generation. Is it true and does that happen every time? I guess not.


There are lots of things that we, as parents, fail to notice while bringing up our kids whilst unknowingly comparing our ways to the ways of our parents. 'I never had so many toys', 'My father never spent so much time with me', 'My mother was always there for me','I didn't have a cupboard full of clothes' and things like this are pasted all over our minds, and mistakenly we expect our kids to be thankful for the kind of lifestyle we're giving them.For them, this is the way life is, isn't it?


A Jr is just about 3.4 yr old now and I'm amused when people come and ask what plans I have for his future. You're going to make him an engineer like both of you or you're going to put him in Commerce? The world's so full of competition, you think you're choosing the right school for him? Make sure you encourage him to pay attention to extra-curricular activities...and so on. I stare incredulously at them, not knowing the answers to most of these questions.Such a little baby and subjecting him to competition,especially when it is not necessary? Why not let him choose to do what he wants, like I was allowed to? Encouragement is one thing, compulsion is another.


I was always a good student but never the one who stood first in class or brought home medals or certificates. My parents never complained or compared us with the better performing ones around, only motivating us to outperform ourselves. They gave us what we wanted but only after we did something worthy of achieving it.Is it not better to give our kids the same treatment, not bribing but complacently awarding?


I think I've digressed a lot here, but I guess I've made my point too.Wanting our kids to be clones of us is unfair. We might be the best amongst the lot of our time, but its not necessary that our child will be too. If we do something for our kid,it should be out of love,not duty or authority. Let him choose what he wants to. We can only lead the way, walking or not should be in his hands.

The Magic of Three

Wow...hadn't written since so long and another post so soon! :)


This post can be considered as a sequel to the last one since it deals with 'motherhood' once again. My little prince, who gave me the chance to be called a mother, who made me experience this lovely feeling by coming in my life, who made me realise that I wasn't a complete woman without him, turns Three today.


Seems like it was just yesterday (and I'm sure I'll feel the same every year!) when I held him in my arms for the first time. Remembering that frail figure, those tiny fingers, that angelic face, that immediate and almost necessary throwing of tantrums, etc. makes me feel like an eternity has passed since. 


I can't help but reminisce the time when his standing up on his own feet, his first baby steps and his senseless and unclear blabbering gave me a big high. I longed to hear him say 'Mamma' and understand and reciprocate correctly to my questions. I did everything I could to get him flash me his wonderful smile. I wanted the world to be at his feet and give him each and everything he wanted.


I had to be the tougher one too and instill discipline in him by creating deadlines for his television time and limiting his chocolates. I had to make sure he had his fruits and meals on time and tell him that a bag of chips/burger/pizza is not a replacement for chapatis and vegetables.(Even A had issues accepting these rules! :P) I took all efforts to make him realise the significance of listening to his parents and following their suggestions. In short, I had to act like the villain in our family scene.


But, but, I'm not one! So to counter my acting controlling he gets to sit on the kitchen platform while I cook for him and demand whatever he wants, he gets to choose which movie to see next, he's awarded a new toy every single time we go out,etc. 


God, I can go on and on on this, can't I? He's evolved and so have I. Time changes so fast that before you can cease the moment, it's gone. Who once rode a cradle is now in Nursery, and before I know it, will go to college and make a life of his own! Am I over-reacting here? Possibly, but in my place, who wouldn't?


I gave a Bugs Bunny milk chocolate cake in his school for celebrating his birthday today. My kiddo (who wore his new Popeye t-shirt and capris)who was looking like a killer hunk in the making,couldn't get enough of all the attention and was glowing with happiness. When I left him back and came home I almost had a lump in my throat and a feeling of pride in my heart. That, ladies and gentlemen, is A Junior for you!

On Being a Mother Tag :)

I'm way behind schedule on this one. This might even seem a hasty job since I haven't thought it through, but nevertheless I want to take up this tag that Nu had passed on to me a while ago. Consider this as a Friendship Day gift from me since it managed to break my blogging hiatus! :)

I have to list 5 things that I learnt on being a mother. Honestly and ideally the list would go much longer than that but the kind soul that she is, Nu graced us by attaching a decent limit.

Here's my five things:

1. Patience: This probably holds true for everyone. We've lived our lives as per our time and wishes but a child simply takes away your freedom and independence. You need to eat sleep and live as per his schedule and it can be quite trying at times. God knows it tests the most patient ones of us, but I learnt it! :)

2. Nutrition: Junk food is probably an all time favourite for all of us, but not when it is regarding your child. It is quite tricky to send healthy and nutritious food down that little devil's throat but persistence and some fun recipes pay off. Teaching him to eat good food is tough but somehow I've managed successfully till now.

3. Learning: As adults our learning graph more often than not goes for a toss. We're so happy with what we know that the hunger to know more simply subsides. It is such a delight to see things through your child's eyes and wonder about how and what drives them. It is like growing up all over again.

4. Smiling: Children have the kind of innocence that attracts even strangers. They don't mind smiling at people they don't know and are approachable. Although it is not safe to show this knowing-like attitude towards everyone we meet, a little bit of genuine courtesy is alright, even for us.

5. Honesty: We all lie for some or the other reason; to avoid uncomfortable situations, embarrassment, answering, or just for the sake of it. But children seldom lie unless we teach them to. I like it when A Junior comes to me and confesses that he broke something, instead of placing the blame on someone else. I feel encouraged to follow suit.

So there, a bit hasty, but a tag nevertheless. Hope other blogger Moms out there agree with me too. :)

Role Reversal

All mothers are crazy, period! They exaggerate their kid’s smallest achievements, they feign indifference to people’s complaints against them, they adore their silly obsessive habits, they practice extreme caution when it comes to their health and well-being, they over-react at the smallest glitch regarding anything related to them, and…so on and so forth.

I’m saying all this while being well aware of the fact that I’m included in this generic but to-the-point indicative list of ‘compulsive-n-paranoid’ mother traits. What led me to suddenly come up with this? Let me tell you..

It so happened the other day that I was finishing up some work in the kitchen (grudging and sulking) late at night. While I was at work the father and son duo were having a blast; pillow fight, horse-riding on Papa’s back, cycling, dancing. Displaying extreme pride over being a good father, A said he’ll cut an apple for A Jr and make sure he eats it.

I was mildly surprised (and I swear I even blushed a bit) when A came to me with an apple slice and offered to feed it to me. Well aware of his habit of restlessly shoving one full slice in my mouth to save time (and spoil the whole romance along with ) I begged him to leave it aside for me to have it later.

What A did after that was completely unexpected! I thought I heard him tell A Jr, ‘Jaao Mamma ko apple khilake aao’ (go feed Mom the apple slice) but wasn’t sure if I heard it right. Right I was indeed! There came my cute little prince armed with an apple slice and the most killing smile in the world and extended the slice towards me. When I tried to take it from his hands he flatly refused and asked me to bend down. I obliged. I couldn’t believe my destiny and was almost in happy tears when he fed me the whole slice, no rushing, no hurrying, allowing me to chew it properly, all the while flashing that million dollar smile! *Getting all emotional again!* :) :)

It was a sight to behold. I wonder why it never struck me to take a video. May be some moments are best kept that way? I remembered all the times when I got all restless and squirmy while feeding him and felt immensely guilty for them. How true, kids teach us valuable lessons in the most unusual ways. And we mothers always take pleasure in accepting that our kids outshine and outlearn us, at any age whatsoever.

So, crazy justified??  :) :)

Thanks my new friend :)

Four years ago: Marriage, dreams, aspirations.

Two years ago: Career, financial independence, freedom.

Currently: Career on a backseat, husband provided expenses, responsibilities.

The story of my existence can be summed up in these past four years. Why? Because the life that I had before getting married has almost faded into oblivion. What I did, what I liked or what I hated before this has no bearing on my actions or preferences now.  There are days when these things frustrate me, there are days when I want a break, but then there are also days when I feel grateful for them.

It is all about setting priorities and sticking to them. And when you have done that, be sure that you did the right thing. I decided to be a full-time Mom ‘se I didn’t want to leave A Jr with a babysitter or a day-care. I wanted to see him grow up with my own eyes, didn’t want to miss any of the cute things he does. I did just that. My career suffered, the loneliness at home was killing, and the demands of motherhood were daunting and exhausting. I got a bit tired of it.

But today, I met someone and things turned around. I met a lady whose son is A Jr’s playgroup-mate. The kid’s younger than A Jr and has just started school. Understandably, she was anxious about her son’s doing, the way I was during A Jr’s first week. It took all but one smile from me and she joined me in waiting for our respective kids. We got talking and hit it off almost instantly. Her story was similar to me. She left her job after her son was born and is a full-time Mom now. The situations and experiences she mentioned sounded very similar to mine.

She doesn’t even know this, but after talking to her I felt more confident and sure of myself. Not that I needed a proof of it, but seeing someone in the same shoes as mine made me feel like I had company. I was not alone out there. It felt heartening to finally have someone who's riding the same boat with you and wants to know if she's rowing it properly. I’m sure I’ll look forward to meeting her everyday and talk about everything under the sun with her.

Riding High and Eating away

In three months’ time I’ll hit 30 and the weight of slowly and steadily stepping into middle age seems to burden me sometimes. That is why whenever I get the smallest opportunity to relive the childhood that I once had, I seize it promptly and wholeheartedly. One such thing which was an integral part of my childhood (and all of you too I’m sure) was visiting those typical Fun Fairs…more commonly called as Anand Nagari at our place.

As kids we waited eagerly for any such fair to come up since it promised us lots of enjoyment; all kinds of fun rides, games and unrestricted binging on junk food. Mom and Dad were lenient and didn’t mind us getting overtly demanding and vocal. We could buy anything of our choice; clothes, accessories, games. I remember buying cute hand carved pen-stands and hair clips for myself from there and guarding them with my life. What fun!!

This time when I went back home I got a chance to visit one such Anand Nagari. I did enjoy myself, but what I enjoyed more was A Jr’s excitement and insistence to see each and everything! Here are some pics from back there. Do you miss these too??

One would expect a kid of his age to be scared of a merry-go-round but he simply loved it!! I had to hold on to him tightly to stop him from dancing in the moving riders. I'm sure he had a better time than I did :P

This one was my personal favourite. The ride was probably not more than a minute long for one round and the ride had 6-7 such rounds. I always insisted on riding it over and over again but gave it a miss this time :(

A Jr had the first baraf ka gola of his life. A mix of Rose and Cola flavours, he devoured it and slurped it greedily. Needless to say his whole dress was drenched in the sticky liquid, but watching him have it so diligently made me ignore all that :)

We girls have a radar which detects any chaat stall immediately. Without the slightest care of an already upset stomach and even more calories I ate and ate lots of pani puris. This one is the pic of the chana chor stall. Had some of it then and there and carried some back home too :)

I bought lots of beautiful bangles too, but was so busy selecting and buying them that taking a picture didn't even click me, pun unintended! :P

My parents just couldn't get enough of his antics. Even at this age my father took him around everywhere. He was physically drained but had a proud smile on his face throughout. Ditto with my mother. She was the one who fed him that baraf ka gola. Loads of patience, I must add. But that's how grandparents are, right? :D

And such was an awesome fun-filled evening. Tell me, did I take you back into your childhood too??

Masti and more masti!

A Jr’s on a roll. Every new day seems like a day for new challenges and new pranks. I’ve to agree that it gets the better of my patience and tolerance many times but it’s simply cute the way he pulls off stuff I can’t even imagine. Sharing few of them with you.

I’d bundled up all the clothes to be given in the laundry but somehow one of my tops got left out. I couldn’t sight it but A Jr’s prying eyes caught it right away. He ran ahead of me to fetch it and simply refused to part with it. Curious as to what he’d do with it I let him have it. He directed me to help him put it on and danced away in it, happily and triumphantly!! :D

The other day he tried to climb atop a jar so he could reach onto the kitchen platform and pick up something from there. Worried that he might trip I asked him to get down, which he obviously did not listen to. I pretended to get angry and scold him on which my poor baby made a very bechara face and looked down. Feeling guilty, I started laughing to get him to smile. The prankster looked up and laughed louder than I did and gave me the fooled you expression. :(

I got a whole set of very cute toy cars for him to play with. Not the one to do what is meant to, he likes to do all kind of possible experiments with them; disintegrating all its parts and also reassembling them sometimes, throwing them with full strength to check if they break, and blah blah blah…

He’s learnt to climb on the couch and reach out to the balcony where we put the clothes out to dry. His favourite sport is to remove the clips used to hold the clothes in place and flinging them in the balcony. The washed clothes also land there many times. FYI, it is an extended balcony and doesn’t have a door, so fetching the items back includes climbing down it which is an unpleasant job. Nevertheless… got to do it! :P

I’d also like to add here that my dear friend rohini has given me two awards. Thanks dear…you’re so very sweet to find me worthy of them!! 

Back to where I belong :)

My vacation is over and I can’t be more thankful for it. Haven’t we heard that the grass is always greener on the other side? Until we go out there and find it out for ourselves there’s no way we’d know that from there our side looks greener too! Something similar happened to me. I couldn’t wait to leave the boring summer afternoons and humidity of Mumbai behind and have a blast with my family. Once there, it took me less than a week to realize just how much I’ve actually started to love and miss this place.

There was my parents and occasionally my brother with us but I had a long face at least once in a day since I missed A a lot! Not to mention that I worried endlessly about his eating habits since he’d had to eat out and sometimes confessed skipping his meals altogether because he was dreading eating alone. A Junior kept himself busy with breaking new glasses of Grandma, personally identifying and throwing out the contents of each drawer that he could reach out to and open, literally dragging Grandpa out to have a long drive in the car and howling loudly until he relented to his wishes, and on and on and on. The cutest thing was when he’d talk gibberish with A on phone no end and see his pictures and brightly smile and point him out.

At my in-laws’ place the story was different. A Junior had the greatest time with my nephew who’s all of 2 months! He’d pull his hands, pat him, kiss him and pamper him. Sometimes he was the protective elder brother who wouldn’t let any stranger touch him and sometimes he was a very possessive son who wouldn’t tolerate me even carrying the kid in my arms! He’d insist that we all treat him like we treated the baby. It was funny but very adorable. He’d shout and call out for us the moment the kid cried and make us attend to him, not realizing that it was his own violent love that disturbed his sleep.

I’d missed such family moments for a long time, but now that I’m back I don’t see myself leaving A and my home behind (which by the way was miraculously clean when I came. Kudos to A!) anytime soon. There are certain things we get habituated to and subconsciously start taking them for granted. We water our grass and take very good care of it, the other side however always appears greener. Isn’t this human nature? :)

The Changing Uni-form

The other day I was amusingly dressing up A Junior in his first ever school uniform(which is very vibrant with a bright yellow shirt and navy blue shorts and red collars and pockets), and I couldn’t help feeling nostalgic and going down the memory lane, remembering the very essential part of our school: our school uniform.

The first sign of identification that one looks out for to comprehend which school you belong to is your uniform. During our time there wasn’t much experimentation with colours and our uniforms looked very bland and boring. The colour was a strange shade of brown; girls wore a frock which had a belt around the waist, while guys had a shirt and shorts of the same colour. Secondary students wore a maroon coloured tie.

The school norms for beautiful mehndi designs on hands, girls showing off their stylishly cut tresses in pony tails or better still leaving them open, and the length of the frocks getting dangerously above the knees were not very strict, hence it was fun to watch the college years already descending upon some of us. Also, it added some spice to the tasteless rag that we had to wear every day.

Passing out of school I felt that uniforms had finally left my life for good. In Junior college I breathed a sigh of relief when I wasn’t forced to don the same washed and rewashed clothes again and again the whole week. I had the freedom to choose from the countless dresses that I had lying around in my closet and which were crying out to be worn! But my joy was short-lived, to say the least.

When I was an engg student we again (!) had a uniform (can you believe it!): white shirt and blue jeans. The specifications were very clear; both guys and girls had to wear a buttoned shirt (for girls the expected length of the shirt was well below the waist) and a decent pair of jeans (meaning no holes in them and no threads hanging out of anywhere).

The crowd of any college being an ensemble of students from varied backgrounds, geographical locations and level of financial conditions, these criteria were obviously very rarely met. The fact that these ‘uniformed’ people were now adults and had a rebellious quality that was ready to show itself at all times became a hindrance in regulating them. So yet again, the uniform became a fashion statement.

Looking back, I feel they weren’t that bad either. It’d have been a punishment to decide every night what to pick out for the next day and get the selected dress in order, not to mention the accessories and embellishments to go with it. Now, when A complains that I take a hell lot of time to decide on what to wear and almost empty my whole closet to find what best suits my mood, I feel I could actually make do with a uniform for going out with my husband!

The week that was

The first week, which is supposed to be the toughest, is over. Tough it was, alright! Most for me, since every day I had to leave him at the door while he clung to me tightly, refusing to let go of my hand and howling as loud as he possibly could. I chose to take him there myself (buses are a big no-no right now!) and wait till his one hour is over.

Moms are blessed with a sixth sense to identify when their kids need them. I seem to have a sharp one, since every time A Junior cries I can make that out (I’m just downstairs, remember?). The first day, I held my ground for some time, even trying to ignore it a bit, but obviously I couldn’t sit reading there while my son was in tears and in company of strangers. I literally ran back there and brought him with me. The whole duration: 30 minutes.

A got upset and said he’d expect the same thing to repeat every day, and that I HAVE to be strong and stretch it to one hour. Well, easy to him for say. He’s not come to drop him there, what does he know? But nevertheless I took his advice, and after that we did seem to manage it successfully.

There was a new revelation everyday though. He won’t eat from it, but he doesn’t like anyone to close his lunch-box (anyone can do the honours of opening it). He’s least interested in sitting in the class with other kids; instead he sits with the incharge there, in her office. Even a casual mention of the word ‘Ma’ is enough to put him off. When given a book he happily looks at the pictures in it, flips pages through it and can be totally left on his own. Etc etc etc….

His obsession for waving out to people, anywhere and everywhere is very endearing! Coming out of the lift, getting off the train, even while walking on the pavement, he makes sure to wave to everyone. Even the most khadoos looking people can’t help smiling back at him. And oh yes, the moment he sees another kid, he calls out for him, runs to him if he can, and hugs and caresses him (wonder what the kids in his class did!).

Many more instances are going to follow which I’ll keep you updated with!

Although this arrangement seemed torturous at first, it’s been a welcome break to catch up on my reading. The fact that there’s a library right in front of his school is an added bonus!

The First Chapter

I’m a curious blend of anxiety and nervous anticipation right now. The D-day has arrived. Last many days I’d been cursing myself under my breath for acting so hastily and almost called the whole thing off. One part of me kept on blaming me for not thinking it through, whereas the other part was more welcoming and backed my decision supportively. The thought’s been nagging me endlessly day and night though. Am I doing the right thing? Or am I subjecting him to something that he’s not yet ready for?

In case you’re new here you’d wonder what I’m talking about, whereas the more informed ones would probably guess it right. I’m talking about my son’s playgroup which is starting from tomorrow. If you’ve missed the first part of this post you can read it here.

I called up at his school yesterday to confirm the date (and hoping it would be postponed, which wasn’t happening). It is going to be for all but one hour for now, and imagine my amazement when I’m asked to bring along a lunch-box, water bottle, an extra set of clothes and what not! What do kids do there? Arm wrestling in the mud which will make them hungry enough to eat with strangers and a bunch of other toddlers, who they hardly know? What would they do if he cries the moment I leave? What if some other kid towers over him and hits him?

It were these and many more such questions that my mind was preoccupied with all day, even when I went to buy a new Pokemon lunch-box and water bottle for him (which he selected himself!). A’s been trying to calm my nerves down, even offering to take a leave and accompany us. Though it sounded pretty tempting I declined it saying (uncertainly) that I can handle it on my own.

I know it’s not my first day at school, but on my first day all this worrying was done by my Mom, not me! As she recalled this morning I happily waved her good-bye when I entered my class. I hope the same happens tomorrow too, only the ‘what-in-case-it-doesn’t-happen’ part is tough to settle with.

Wish me luck!!!